LOST. One word to describe how I feel. I am down, depressed, confused. I want to know what’s going on. I am beyond the words of stressed and I have practiced pulling the trigger, but if it came to it, could I do it? I have failed once and got a DUI for it. I am nothing but a wimp. A looser and a waste of air. Cremate my body and dump the ashes, I dont deserve my spot 6ft under. I dont want to be this fake person no more. I just want to tell people who ask if everything is okay the truth. No, not everything is okay. I want the pain to end. I dont want to take pain killers no more. I want to die, yet I dont (thats where I am confused). AHH!!
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4 comments
Why do you think you’re a loser and a waste of air?
Do you judge yourself by the body you happen to appear in? The real you isn’t the person you see in the mirror. Plus the body is easy to change…make-up, haircuts, exercise, changing eating habits and even plastic surgery etc. can all change the way our body looks, but is it the real you?
You are unique, and have a part to play in this life. You are better than what you think you are. You are Love.
I want to die too…and I’m very much looking forward to it. But I choose to stay alive for the people I know would be emotionally devastated by my death. Their lives have been bad enough without me adding to their pain, so I just want to make their lives less painful while they are still alive.
I have chased the people I love away. Their is no one here that I cant think of who would really care if I were to disappear. I want to quit feeling like I am in a trance and become less addicted to the medications doctors give me. I want to sleep without waking up every half hour. So many wants, but no progress.. 12 years is enough, I just want to be happy again
If there is one thing I despise more than life itself it’s when people ask me “how I’m feeling today.” If you want to get a little bit of joy back into your life just keep it real. I don’t lie and fake it anymore when people try to figure me out or ask me what I’m feeling. I tell them all about my ultra violent fantasies, my all encompassing hate, my own personal addiction to drugs, my disgust at the shell of a human I have become, and my contempt for the fake life they live and that they themselves are FAKING TO ME THAT THEY ARE HAPPY AT THE VERY MOMENT THEY ASK ME THESE THINGS AND PRETEND TO CARE!
Dude you see the funniest looks on peoples faces when you just tell them the truth. Give it a try.
If you lie to other’s aren’t you then lying to yourself too?
lol. Thats the kinda stuff that lands you in the ward with sedatives up your a$$. I have tried speaking to people, even my buddy who is a cop and then backed off before I said way too much.