..Still the same shit

I feel you, how the f— do you be happy? I have no friends. Only men who wanna “sleep” with me. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am… I shouldn’t be so sad. They say I’m young, I’m 37. I have no family, my mama died 2 yrs ago, my daddy violated me. My sister lies on me, she has a home a car and money, she gets a government ck for her and her son. Not to mention, they got $55,000. She has no idea what it’s like to have nobody, where I live I guess probably isn’t gonna work out, cause I haven’t slept with my roommate, he pays all the bills there. This guy passed out in the other room, keeps calling himself my boyfriend, he’s so immature. He doesn’t know me, isn’t interested in what books I like or cartoons, doesn’t wanna hear anything I have to say. He just likes to show me off. Why am I here on this earth? I don’t wanna be anywhere. I don’t wanna know I’m conscience (sp)? I need relief… I need to be free… The ex who assaulted me cause of this guy, now in prison, want be having anything else to do with me. He made me happier than anything else. Now he’s gone. I shouldn’t have left to appease this other guy who had said he left me, but then he needed/wanted to talk to me. I should have listened to my ex. Then he wouldn’t have came after me and tried to kill me. We could be happy now. I’d feel safe, and he always paid attn to every little thing about me. I know I’m just rambling… but I wanna help you, but I’m thinking right now I’m only gonna give this life a few more days, something has gotta change for the better. I think love makes people happy. I know it does me, and now it’s gone. Help me?