Suicide takes over a life.

My life took a turn when i was about 12 years old. I moved to Canada from England, where I had all my family, friends and happiness! I moved in December of  ’07, Canada was dark, cold and lonley. We had no friends or family here, all I had was my older brother, mum and dad. We lost allot of money when we moved and had to live 1 hour away from our schools. When I started school, I though my life would start to look brighter, but on my first day there I was teased because of my accent. Instead of people introducing themselves to me they just went into their groups and stared at me and began to whisper. I hated that and I refused to go back after my first day, but a week later I did go back. Things just got worse, but at least i had made 2 really good friends. When spring of 2008 came, I developed bad generalised anxiety. I stopped going to school and refused to talk to anyone, my mum set me up with doctors and therapists. Which helped me. They also started me on medication. By summer I felt great. I was ready to start high school! I started high school and made the best group of friends, allot of them are English too. By summer 2009 I felt on top of the world, only feeling anxious at the appropriate times, and I had my friends when I felt a little sad. I started grade 9 in September ’09. It was like things just went down hill again, I became really depressed, and started cutting, I was soo anxious I would run to the bathroom instead of going to my classes. The teachers would find me crying in the washrooms. So they set me up with all my school work in the learning assistance room. That helped with things a little, but as for my depression, it was just getting worse day by day. I started burning and cutting myself and i was getting very little sleep, and my friends though i was a zombie. My councilor told my mum and she got scared. Things were getting worse so an appointment was set up with my psychiatrist 2 weeks early. He admitted me to an adolescent phyciatric unit. It was nice, I met kids like me, and I started sleeping, but i started thinking about suicide allot. I saved up my medication, and on the weekends i would be let out. Just before my mum took me back to the hospital I took all my prozac and seroquel, I swallowed them all. When I got back to the hospital I was acting drunk, and started throwing up. The nurses gradually caught on, they ran some medical tests and they knew that it wasn’t a large enough dose to kill me or do any serious damage. The next day I woke up alive, that wasn’t the plan. I cried and the nurses just kept on asking me questions and gave me water every 2 seconds. My doctor came in and he had to call my parents and tell them what had happened. They were horrified. My mum was furious, and my dad didn’t even want to see me. My doctor kept me there until December 24th. My parents had gotten over the shock but they were still pretty shaken up by what i had done. That was the worse Christmas of my life, I found out my grandma was dieing of cancer, and all i could do was cut, burn and cry. We were soo far away from each other that there was nothing i could do to help her, or at least give her a hug. My parents and I kept on fighting, and one night my mum told me to leave the house. I packed my bags and my meds, and i had a plan to go downtown and take an overdose there. I knew I had enough to kill me. I just kept on walking until i reached a bathroom in downtown kelowna. I saw a police car pull up beside me and I knew what they wanted. They took me home where me and my mum apologised to each other. They didn’t find my medication. Later that night I took all my meds, my seroquel, my ativan, zoloft, and trazadone. Withing about 20 mins I fell to the ground and my mum found me the next morning. I was admitted to Psych ICU for 3 days where i regained my physical strength. I was them admitted to the childrens ward. I was there for 2 weeks. My mum and dad were soo upset, and my brother refused to see me. After 2 weeks i was readmitted to the Psych ward. They let me go within a month. My friends had no idea what was going on with me. And I didn’t tell them either. My grandma died 1 week later, and my mum and I went back for the funeral, I missed her soo much, and it was soo hard going back under those circumstances. This was only a month ago, and life just seems to be getting harder, Im starting a group for kids like me, and im going to a boarding school in Utah in October. Its hard being only 15 and having all these issues behind and in front of me. But im working hard on finding new coping skills and ways to see life. God its hard, iv lost allot of my friends and allot of respect, but im taking life day by day, and hoping that there is a reason for me surviving suicide.