when i was a teenager i tried to kill myself, was not really succsessful as you can tell, because my tutor noticed i am not in class again and called mum. I was at home, took a big bowl of all drugs i found in the house, including up to date and old ones, sleeping pills, everything. Because mum left work early to find me i was unconscious but ok and was sent to hospital where as you can imagine was treated with no respect as it doesnt really matter because i wanted to end my life, doesn’t it? i am in my twenties now, just graduated, been supporting mum as much as i could, studying away in the capitol so that we could both move here together now. Ive been working a lot along with my studies, same and more hours than my mum, supporting myself and as I am alive still i dont want to be. I have just booked tickets to spent some time with mum and she said she doesnt want me to come. She was the only friend i thought i had, its been only her and me all my life and i havent found true friends anywhere else. I just dont want to BE anymore. Past four days ive spent sleeping, day and night. Can i try again what i tried before?
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I say no, and I’ll be your friend! I saw this and made this account just to tell you that.
You could, and perhaps maybe with good reason, but I impart you with this.
Yes, you could swallow pills, and yes, hopefully, whatever lies beyond this dimension of life “could” be better than this one. We don’t know. You sound like a good person, whos been stepped on by life just as much as anyone else. It’s hard for me to try and tell you to want to live, when I am in question myself. But, it takes courage to get up and face every day with a weight in your chest, we all know this. People like us, who feel this way, every, single, day. I would try contacting your Mom (Mum 🙂 ) and see if you can’t smooth things over. If not, well, its your life, and no disrespect, but it’d be her loss. You’ve done all you can, which is all anyone can ask of you. You’ve come this far in life now, there’s got to be at least some shred of light in there somewhere. Find it, grasp it, and never let it go. It’s hard to find a liferaft in the ocean of life, especially, an ocean as vast as this. Keep trying, please. You have a home here, with people, like myself, that know how you feel, or at least a feeling similar, and above all else, care. We are all unique special people, who haven’t deserved what life gave us and spend each day wondering why we should do this. There’s got to be a reason, and I think we should keep looking for it. Don’t quit, not yet. If you quit, you’d never know what you could have found. Somethings always around the corner. I hope you find it, i really do.
I hope i have been of some comfort, and help.
Vincent.