I was discharged from the adolescent psych ward about 45 minutes ago. I was so mad at them at first for forcing me to leave even though I told them that I’m going to kill myself tonight , but now I’m filled with relief. Tonight is the night. If I wake up I’ll say that it was stupid and that I’ll never try it again. If they send me to the psych ER to see if I’ll be admitted I’ll just tell my mom that I’m going to the bathroom and rip off my bracelet and run out of there. And this time I’m not telling anyone. They didn’t take me seriously before. But they were wrong.
“This is how it works:
You’re young until you’re not,
You love until you don’t,
You try until you can’t.
You laugh until you cry,
You cry until you laugh,
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath.
No, this is how it works,
You peer inside yourself,
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took.
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some,
Someone else’s heart
Pumping someone else’s blood”
– Regina Spektor “On The Radio”
1 comment
That’s my favorite song on so many levels. My dear friend died in a bike accident.. organ donor. Talk about figuratively pumping someone else’s blood.
regardless, it means (to me) your presence is impressionable. All who are around you take/love/learn from you and you them, even if you don’t realize it. I cry to that song every time I hear it. I interpret these lyrics as you are who you are, love it or leave it – but there is hope for rejuvenation.
“peer inside yourself, you take the things you like”
“cry until you laugh…. don’t give up.. there is more out there.
I’m on this site for the same reason you are. We’re all looking for a reason not to end, mine is the torment I would put onto those who I know love me.