What about those who love you?

I’m not sure where to start, I’m not very good in expressing myself in paper. I found this website today after thinking about suicide yesterday. It’s good to know that there are others out there who have similar thoughts. I don’t think I ever was serious about committing suicide, because I don’t want to hurt myself, but especially I don’t want to hurt my family: my mom, my sisters, my grandma, my nieces and a nephew, and my husband. I don’t want them to think that death is an easy way out. When I get depressed, I try to remember how much they care for me, even though it’s hard to feel their love when I experience so much pain. I always try to go to bed or for a walk, or do something that will keep my mind away from suicidal thoughts. It worked every time I did it, then the next day, I try to think of something I can do to help myself not to feel as much pain. I know it’s difficult to think of others when you’re filled with pain, but I also know how much suffering my family and friends would experience if I kill myself. I joined this website to try to understand myself and others and help us if it’s possible.