right now I want to die n can’t sleep to stop thinking but now I have thought bout it were all scared of wat we are cable of killing ourself everyone is waiting for a sign or someone to pull them out of da darkness if dat wasn’t da case we wouldn’t have been on dis sight we would have already killed ourselfs but everyone is still scared wanting to enjoy da world like most people do. Or waiting for something to happen to push u over the edge and finally kill ourselfs making sure we have a good reason for our own death. We ask ourselfs each day why I’m I still here but we still go on hurting n bringing everything thing in our path down. Why is that I am only 14 and I am wondering why do I feel like this? Most 14 year olds r excited about going to high school have the little crushes and stuff. But me i don’t care if I go to high school and u want to know who my crushes are right now drugs n I am plan on getting them. I want all the hard drugs n achohol that can knock me make me feel happy for once make me feel normal. I guess that’s not the way to go about it finding happiness o well I tried smiling when I am around people most of them I don’t even like including family. I rather be by myself so I won’t have to get excited to pretend to be happy for someone when I really don’t a fuck but I still do it to make them have there moments. I keeping wondering when am I going to have my moment.