Another day of feeling like shit. What can I say Iâ€™m good at it? All I ever really here is how bad I am and can do. Here is my story.
When I was little life could do no harm. Ya there were a number of kids that loved telling me how dumbs I was and that I would become nothing. Teachers where not so great either. They put me through hell. I needed help a lot but they never did. They always pushed me to the side and helped the other. A teacher in the 4th grade even told me that I should even be there and to drop out.
Middle school was a little different. I got tougher and stopped taking so much of other people shit. There a met a girl whose name is not needed. I was in such a want for friends that I did whatever she told me to do. Within reason occurs. She truned out to be an ok friend. She got me out of my house and away from the shit in my mind. Later in the first year in middle school my parents split up and I moved to New Jersey. My brother at already moved there and was loving it. That was the first time I ever heard my dadâ€™s heart brake. Needless to say we were only there from May till July. I missed a mouth of school and I was held back the next year because of it. The pain of being called names and pushed down stairs had started then. In the full 4 years I was in middle school I had been in at least 7 fights. I didnâ€™t win most but they never could get me to cry out and beg like they wanted me to. After what seemed like forever I reached HIGH SCHOOL.
Again my parents split and my mother and I moved to Ohio. I started school and my mom melted into a state of depression. I was in one to but I had learned long ago to hide that type of thing. It was in this time that the want for death had grown from just a thought to the action that I was putting a plan up. School started and my plan was set back. I wanted to know what high school was like. In the first 2 week there my mom ran back to my dad and left me with my evil aunt. Yes I do mean EVIL. That witch never liked me. She would sit me down and be nice one minute and then the next it was all my fault. If I had not been born them maybe my mom would be happen. I was spending her money and taking time away from her kid. She forced me in to a online school which I sucked at. I need to at least be around people. I was a slave in that house and nothing I did was right. She would throw plates and cups and there where time I was locked in the basement for hours. On Halloween I was kicked out and my mom wanted me back. I was happy for a while after that.
Once home I went to school and got my first boyfriend. I thought he was the one. I was WRONG. He is nice and says he loves me but I felt stupid when I didnâ€™t call as much one day and he chewed me out. Knowing I might not get anyone els to like me I stayed. We broke up but we are friends. He is a better friend them love. That was last year. I am still in high school trying to get out. I have been shot kicked and treated like trash. Why do I stay? I think people need me too much and I cant hurt people. I am a wimp and fat and a loser. I might not find love in life but maybe in death. needless to say this is not even the whole story. Lets call this the G rated story. My life is much worse.
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