It all started when i moved back to my old country, i got a new school, and i started at 4th grade. AtÂ the 4th grade i got bullied with for being a “nice boy”.. I was good at school. At 5th grade i got tired of being bullied with. So i started to talk shit to the teachers, and i started to fight with classmates for almost no reason. So i earned some respect by being aÂ “bad kid”. I did allot of stuff at the school, so i wasÂ at the prinsipal almost every day. At the 6th grade iÂ needed toÂ be checked if i had ADD or ADHD, and i didn’t have any of them. I was lying on the floor crying for houres and screamingÂ “What’s the meaning of life!?”. My parents didn’t understand and care of what was happening to me.
In the 7th grade i went on a sircus, i met a sweet girl. We sat there and hugged for houres, i didn’t see her again. But this girl made me get a new fealing of life. She had also been bullied with, and something that i saw about her was that she had many scars on her hands, i asked what it was. And she toldÂ me the whole story. So when i came home i just wanted to die, i hated myself, so i tryed to cut myself. It felt good in some sort of a way. A week later at school i needed to go to the prinsipals office, when i was there i screamed to that ************ that i just wanted to be alone, and i just wanted to die! So i ran away. I didn’t kill myself, or else i wouldnt beÂ writing this.. So i cut myself every day at the 7th grade.
When i started at the 8th grade, i got new teachers, the teachers was not so mean to me like the others. So i did it ok at school and i got good grades. I finally made it to stop cuctting myself.Â It went 6 month’sÂ beforeÂ I got in love again with another girl, we liked eachother pretty much, and when i finally loved her, she didn’t care about me anymore. So she dumped me and that made it all just worse. That made me cut myself even more. Each time im cutting me now, it makes me feel that she ain’t worth it. It made me hate her, but i loved her aswell.
Now it’s summer and next year im starting at the 9th grade. I’m still cutting myself. I have never been at the hospital or anythingelse for being cutting myself or trying to commit suicide. I’m thinking of suicide every day, and i don’t know what to do with myself. What’s the meaning of life, that is a question i’m wondering of everyday. So please help me, i’m affraid of what is going to happen to me. I want to stop cutting myself but it’s hard. The life is just so brutal to me, how can other people be so happy?