Its all over my desktop, but the words are encrypted.
my macbook knows, it took me so long to get it, to earn it. i am so glad we’re friends.
it listens, and has no perception. no miscommunication, no thoughts, no judgement on the matter.
You’ll never find out how i actually feel.
I’ve been reading this page for a long, long time. I generally never register for any of these sites, as per keeping my privacy…but the truth is this little dark blue page on the internet is my only salvation.
i searched for it for years.
i found it here.
i dream of ways to escape, to leave, to not feel pain. i dream of ways to stop hurting.
i dream of ways for everyone to stop being spiteful, and self absorbed.
it never happens.
the dreams never manifest. i work too hard.
no one will ever REALLY love me. i think thats something i’ve always known.
i have plans.
i am too old to be thinking like this…or so i thought, until i found you.
my little dark blue page, with written evidence that i do not suffer alone.
i just suffer internally.
some things are better left unsaid.
i sleep alone. i always knew i would.
i have plans.
so instead of saying them, they become etched in a far off corner, in a small parallel universe, in a dark color, and i don’t expect a single soul other than my own to understand, to get it, or to care.
i need not attention to the matter. its mine all to myself.
i expect you to glimpse over this entry, and not notice that its me.
i am more than okay with that, this isn’t about identity.
this is about striking gold.
one day it will all be over at my own hands, and i am more than okay with that.
for now, a straight edge will do.