I haven’t written here in a long time but I think I might need help. When I started to write I either wanted to feel something or wanted to stop feeling all together. But this time I don’t know whether if I want to feel something or nothing at all. On one hand I want to go back to cutting to see what’s real but on the other hand I’m so terrified that I keep having a nightmare that I end up almost die. So I don’t know how to feel. As well I have no one here to talk to or even understand why I’m so messed up.