Seems like ive put everything in one person. I cant seem to let go of my boyfriend. Weve talked about a future together and weve done so much together. I dont know what has gotten into him now. He would help me wiht this depression that i have because he was the one that caused it. But now he acts like he doesnt care or love me anymore. He used to act like that when i met him. He used to hurt me so much, but the problem was i loved him so fast that i just couldnt do anything but try to change him.
                    Im not perfect and no one is but he just doesnt understand me. Ive been put in the hospital for more then a week because i was depressed and because i have taken suicidal action. I have scars all over me in which i hate seeing and i have gotten stiches on one cut that i didnt even relize was so deep. What he would do to me was lie. He would flirt around wiht girls and see them. I didnt know if he did anything or not. Ive talked to those girls and have asked them pretending i was him but they always never said they did anything. There was also this one time he liked this girl that i didnt even know he was seeing behind my back, but hes acting the same way he did before. Hes acting the same way he left me to try to get her.
                     Hes not ecven calling me now like he used to. He doesnt care if he sees me crying or not. I cry in front of him because i cannot hold the tears back anymore. I have taken so many pills that not even once have they killed me. Ive tried so hard to let go of life but all i think about is the future i might have and how i always wish it might change. To be honest wiht everyone, i cant even remember when i was actually happy for a whole day. It must have been somewhere before fifth grade or even way before that when i wasnt being sexual and physically harrased by my own brother. I have a twin too and he did the same to her too although she doesnt remember and since she doesnt no onw believes me. Not even my own mother.
                    Its sad i have to deal wiht everything at this age of mine. Arent i supposed to be happy. Im only 15 and i cant remember the lst time i was not pretendin to smile or to be happy. Thats all i do now. UI always pretend that everything is okay…
1 comment
I really don’t mean if what I’m about to right is harse so sorry in advance if I offend you. The way I see your only 15 u are at a young age to be tied down to one guy. It may seems like I don’t understand I’m one age younger n I saw people my age n yours some r who r close friends get hurt that they think there in love hey u are in love the way I see it but your too young to be beating yourself up for a guy well not just a guy the one who u seem to be the ” One” even at 14 I know that I would date alot if boys before I find the right one. If your depressed and he sees that he’s not the one. STOP beating yourself up for a guy u don’t really need a guy to make u happy n your just 15. If he still talks to u n u still talk to him ask him is this just high school dating and ask him are u taking it a little too far. Ask him if he feels that he’s being tied down to one girl in he’s still in high school? Sorry again if I offend I just think beating yourself up n everything is unnessary. But if he’s means alot to you n I haven’t experience love yet then put him in line let him know u not going to be beating yourself up for him n ready to move on cuz your young n have enough time to find someone who is better. Don’t be sad or mad if it doesn’t work out the way u want it to just well try to.