As the quote above states, I don’t really quite know if I’m getting better or getting used to the pain. I’m a junior in high school, won’t be seventeen for another month, and I’ve been cutting since seventh grade.. Is that bad? Is that good? All my friends do it, but I’ve been doing it much longer than them. I have more reasons to do it than they do, from what I know. But hey, who the hell am I to judge?
I feel so completely lost now.. My boyfriend, of four and a half months, made me throw away every single utensil I used to cut myself. I have nowhere to turn when I’m upset, angry, and hurt. I don’t know if that’s too extreme or what.. I’ve only been cutting though to get rid of these horrifying nightmares I’ve been having for the past seven months. He allowed me to do it to cope with the nightmares. But one messed up night, I attempted, attempted to commit suicide. I couldn’t do it though, I couldn’t bring myself to follow through. I didn’t want to let anyone down. But after he found out about that night, he made me get rid of my razor blades, my glass, my scalpel, my everything. I feel so completely destroyed and helpless. I just.. I’ve hit my breaking point. I need to feel the cool edge of my blade slicing through my skin. UGH! I can’t do this anymore.. I need to find a new weapon, a new best friend to make me better.