On April 12 of this year my best friend committed suicide. I feel the constant guilt of not saving her…because I had the power to and I chose not to use it. A week before she did this, she told me that she had wanted to but her boyfriend, (who is now one of my closest friends) had talked her out of it. So I assumed it was just teenage drama and ignored it. A few days later she had texted me and she was asking for advice with her problems. I did the best I could and told her how sorry I was and she said “Oh well I’ll live.” I thought back to earlier and said to her, “Is that a promise?” and she said “Yes Lol”. Sunday night came around and we had a normal conversation where she seemed perfectly fine. Her last message to me said “Well I gtg so I’ll ttyl” at 8:10 p.m. The next day our prinicipal announced that she had passed away over the intercom during my third hour. I’ll be waiting for “ttyl” for the rest of my life. And every day since I think about joining her in heaven but I can’t. That doesn’t take away the guilt.
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Hey, rock-thrower. I’m sure this’ll be the gagillionth time you hear it: Unless she told you how, where, and when she was going to die, only she had the power to stop herself. All any best friend can do is trust their best friend to tell them everything. She told you she’d stay alive, and so you took her word for it like a best friend should, with hope. Hope is the opposite of doubt. She asked for positive feedback, and you did all you could do. What she did was her decision, so it’s not a result of you talking her out of it. She confirmed that you did that and said she’ll ttyl… And you will in Heaven, I’m sure. Just don’t be in a hurry to get there because I believe that you are absolutely right: You’ll still be yourself and your guilt won’t allow you to enjoy a thing, even in the afterlife. SO! When you realize that what has happenned cannot be redone/undone by you, then you can be yourself again, an continue to be the awesome best friend a friend can possibly have. Enjoy yourself. Throw rocks, skip stones, and make that mountain yours. I bet even She needs you to rock on.
(you can chuck boulders at me for the corny sounding stuff, but its the truth. I’m on yahoo if you want to vent, okay?
To Throw_Rocks444:
You did all that you could have done. No you will never forget the memory of your beloved friend, no you may never get to say the words i love your or “ttyl”. But when its all said and done you are truly a sweetheart for trying to save a life. Sometimes we never know the right words to say or the correct things to do to assist a friend or family member. But know that she is above watching over you; Each step you take, each obstacle you face and each stage of life you enter. Theres an angel above smiling at you thanking you for doing your best. May her memory live on in your heart my dear. May peace with you:)