sitting here in summer school reminds me of how i got here in the first place. i had to get lectured a few days ago by my mother and her mother about how im a failure and such a disappointment. thats why im here, in school, writing this instead of doing work. i cant concentrate on anything, so i guess this is sort of productive. my headphones are in, listening to depressing music of some sort. its only like 9.00am and ive already eaten enough to feed a child pretty much-half a cereal bar and a shit load of french frries. gym for the next three hours will balance me out though. i hurt everywhere from working out so much. its worth it though. hopefully i can lose some weight by the end of summer. that would make me fel better. and running keeps my mind off of things and gets me in a good mood. definitely a plus. i really should do some school work but i just am not in the mood. id rather write about my pathetic life and how much i hate it. i always wait for comments on my posts just to see if people read them and maybe feel the same or something ridiculous like that. im still feeling very suicidal, like all of the time and it sucks a lot. at night when laying there trying to fall asleep its all i think about. just different ways to kill myself. i cant get them out of my head. whatever, maybe one day my thoughts will take over my sensibility and i will have the guts to do it. hopefully