is it over with?

at age 19, it is one of the hardest years of my life. its time to take responcibility even if you dont want to. Its the age where you have to look into the future, and realize what you want your whole life to be about. right at this moment i am mentally and physically depressed. my unkle and my dads best friend that i am really close to both passed away within 4 days apart. right now its the hardest part of my life. My cousins in the ICU and i am very close with him to. all my friends talk shit behind my back and for somereason it seems that noone cares if im here or even if i killed myself. but i try to face reality and realize that im still here for my neices and nephews who need me. im not afraid to admit it. im afraid of death, but when i get to the point where i dont care about anything. death doesnt scare me a bit. life isnt as great as it seems, you come here to do your job and to leave this hellhole called earth.