just want it to end.

i dont know where to start… maybe with a possible why cant i just die already? i have no purpose on this earth whats so ever.
im at a point where i just dont care about anything anymore… even my health. im diabetic and have been for a few long years.
doesnt help my situation at all. since ive stopped caring i dont take my daily meds like i should … whats the point? my health is so bad now
i have days where i cant even breathe like a normal person should or even stand without trying to hold on to the walls. i have no friends, all the ones i did have
i lost to the stupid feelings im going through right now. i thought my friends would always be there when i needed someone. i thought wrong. i scared them all off
the ones who cared at first just dont bother talking to me anymore. my body just doesnt seem to want to die …. even though i do. ive talked to them many times about this
and its always “life always gets worse before it gets better” im my case it just seems to get worser. they just gave up on me and now i am know as an “attention whore”. i dont tell this to
them because i want attention i tell them because i just need someone to at least listen to me or possibly take me out and show me that life cant be so bad. and reverse pyshology doesnt work
when your suicidal…. dont ever tell me to just go do it and die already because no one will ever know i existed. i did exactly that…. and another failed attempt that resulted in “your doing it for
attention” i honestly think i attempted more times then the days ive lived. i have thought of my two other options…. hanging … problem with that i dont know where to get rope or how to even tie it right…
and gun shot to the head… im not old enough to buy a weapon. i just dont know what to do anymore. i live for no reason at all.. the only thing that keeps me here another day is that my heart keeps beating…
i just want it to stop already. i hate relationships or dating.. i just gave up on love. it really is an amazing feeling but once u feel it u just wish it would never end … but sometimes it does and that just pushed me
closer to the edge because of the simple fact that im too depressed. i have no friends, no boyfriend, no family, and the worst job possible. my parents hate me i dont know why they would even have me.
i know abortions werent avaliable back in the day but there were always cliffs they couldve threw me off. i try everything to make them proud of me but its just never good enough. i gave up on college
because even that subject of me going there would be the joke of the year for my mother. i feel trapped inside my own house. i think if i were in a mental institution or jail id have more freedom then i do here.
its been day three since i havent slept… sleeping just isnt in my schedule anymore i cant seem to do it. even if i tried crying myself to sleep to a point where i would feel sick n numb i still wouldnt be able to sleep
a wink. i dont know what to say or do anymore. does anyone have any more ideas that might work better then overdosing ??