Nothing seems to work

Hi Greebogangster,

I know how you feel. I first started having really depressed thoughts around 10 and wanted to kill myself by 12. At 13 I made a deal with myself that as soon as I left school at 16 I would kill myself. This brought me some relief as it meant I did not ave to think about the future. I started smoking cannabis and taking amphetamines and LSD. Anything I could get my hands on to escape from my reality. By 15 I was an emotional mess inside but highly functioning. I could lie convincingly to psychologists that I was taken to and convinced them there was nothing wrong with apart from being somewhat unruly but all the time inside me I wanted to die. I have never told anyone that before but I am telling you because I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings and it is not even uncommon to feel the way you do.

P.S.

Please do not try to kill yourself by overdosing on paracetamol. It’s a big deal because it shuts down the kidneys and liver and and causes you you to die over days in pain and with your family looking on helpless to do anything for you. I once tried to kill myself by overdosing on all the pills I could find in a medicine cabinet. I took lots of pills without even caring what was in the bottles and ended up in hospital for 2 days. I did NOT take the paracetamol i found though as I know in what a fucked up way it would kill me and I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Please stay away from that stuff.