I never doubted in my mind that I am a good person. Someone bumps into me, I say sorry. Someone needs my help, I go and help them to the point of being abused. All my life, I have tried to be responsible. I used to have it all. A happy family, a successful career, and man that loved me very much. Now, I am 4 months pregnant with this man. This man who hurts me physically and screams at me everytime, and looks at me like I am disguting. I am so stupid, I cant leave. I tried,Â but I keepÂ returning.Â That I can handle, but his emotional and verbal abuse hurts more. When he left me and “gave up” on trying to change me, I lost my job. When I got pregnant, my family turned their back on me. This man that I love with all of me… wont even marry me. I cant talk, I cant cry, I cant do anything to piss him off. I am always scared of disappointing him. I feel that whenever I do something right, I make 2 mistakes and I just go back to where I started. I am tired. Very tired of my life. Very tired of living in the dark. No matter what I do, I cant please them. Nobody truly loves me. I am 23, unwed, and abused. What hurts more is that they are right. It is me who hurts myself worst. I try. I always try to be the person they want me to be.. but like they always say, I will never change. I have changed. I used to be strong.. now.. I dont know who the fuck I am anymore. I am not mad, I am not violent, I dont even talk to anyone anymore… I am just quiet… and tired… I know its really bad now because everyday, I just feel like I want to die. The funny part is I have a terminal disease and was given 5 years to live.. You’d think these people would treat me better.. I want to be alone.. but they wont let me be…Please let me go…Â I just want to die…I dont deserve thisÂ but they wont let me out…Im tired.. Im empty.. Im hollow…..Â I am tired and I GIVE UP.