I am not sure why i am writing this. Not sure anyone will listen.
I have lost my whole world. My wife left me and took the kids a week ago. I cant take the pain of my daughter begging me to come home that she misses me. I have lost my apartment, my car. my wife and my kids.
There is nothing left for me.
This starts several years ago. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I cheated on my wife.
It was a one time thing with someone i didnt care about.
After it happened my wife caught a text message that i had sent her. and confronted me about it. I lied to her. I became such a monster to her. I blamed her for everything that was wrong in our lives. This went on for a year. at that point she told me that she couldnt be with me that she didnt trust me.
She had every right not too. I broke our vows. I begged her to give me another chance. and she did. she told me that I had a year to get things back on track. I spend the better part of the year looking for a job and blaming her that if she would just let things go that our problems would go away. Then we got into our own apartment. and I thought things were going great. I was wrong.
I found out that she had been hiding her true feelings that she didnt want me to hurt her any more. and that she needed a break from me.
I was desperate. I didnt want to lose her. I had worked so hard to become the man she married again. It didnt make a difference. I thought that if i was to take her to where she wanted to go that she would see how much i love her and come back. I was stupid for thinking that.
So she said that she just needed a 6 month break from me to sort out what she felt. then a week later, yesterday. She said a divorce would be best. I felt like someone took the wind out of my soul and left me to die. now I am alone and homeless. I dont own anything and i have nothing.
Please if there is someone out there that can help. I havent tried to commit suicide yet, but it seems like its the only thing to do now. I have nothing to gain by staying in this life.
Please god help me!!
2 comments
It is sad, your loss. Sticking around, finding reasons to stick around in this life is increasingly difficult. (For someone like me it has been everyday for the last 10 years. I have borderline personality disorder, everyday is emotional torture for me.) In your case, it sounds like you flubbed royally, as you stated. You need a support system of some kind. And it may help to not blame anyone anymore. We are all human at the end of the day. We all wear our roles in life, of wife and husband and such, but that all changes once we are scorned. You have children, you should stick around, do everything you can to be apart of their lives. Never bad-talk the mother, live close to them, always smile and remain positive even though you agonize inside. Me, I have no one and nothing. I have nothing to live for. All I have is my disorder that has push everyone and everything away. Imagine living like that. Imagine living unable to regulate emotions hour to hour.
You’ve got it easy. Stick around.
DBickley,
it’s lucky for you to have received a feminine response from z.
Don’t you know that it’s an equal status women are striving now for power ?
In this men’s world, morality is impeding women acting as a matter of course like men.
Men only know their natural impulse of own hormones reacting, but always ignoring the natural tendency of women’s non-stoppable engine once primed. The probable pacifier available to them is moral and love injected at times as an lotion.
Most of us here thought we owned something and someone in this world,
and that finally brought us misery when the bubble bursted.
Love expected from opposite partner, friends, family, parents, children, or even from God failed, what’s more can that be revealing to you ?
WRONG !
The thought of possessing is wrong !
We came with nothing, no clothes, no power to self surviving, and the moment we die we still have no claim of any materialistic possession we can bring along.
What then can be proud of and gained in this world, is that we can smile and be content to say that we have really lived and there is no regret. Then one can leave at anytime.
It’s a happy soul that we strive for ourself, while there’s room enough we share it to others, not how much you value and expect to get it from others !
It’s a magnet of yourself you failed to produce, not as expectation on people to treat you like one.
Your agony of not having your children around because you are in the thought of still owning them.
It’s a risky thought that some might even adopt the solution of destroying his own creation.
The best for you to do now is stepping back.
Control of your own self.
So you can deal with what comes next.
Worrying now can only get you to nowhere.
Just keep as many things as normal as you could, such as job.
Your wife is now seeing no future of you together, so you need to change instead of begging.
Let her see not again your continuing sadness or powerless pity.
Your suicide look will only deem her right of decision of leaving you.
Hate is what your wife is thinking of you.
If you can’t get trusted people to help you as a mediator, the only thing left is time to heal.
And may be later, your look or things you’ll do that can show her kinds of improvement, will she be letting you in again.
Be aware that what’s done was done. Just be at ease to treat things that aren’t going your way.
Since you have nothing, you have to keep yourself from dropping further, and work yourself up.
First find yourself a place to stay, keeping your job normal, and see your child may be once a week, phone-call as a friend to your children, giving your wife the plenty of space alone.
Even if the time should come for your wife to find another man, or your child to have another father, you’ll have just done your part right without regret, and they just do their’s.
Don’t ever push yourself or your wife too far to the edge.
It’s fate that counts.