I’ve told the school, I was suicidal. I told my “friends”. I listened to advice online. I came out. I needed help.
Why did you just look at me as if I was a helpless full from no return? I was never on drugs. I never drank, I never smoked, I was always above the influence, yet you disregarded me as if I didn’t fit in anymore. I was excluded from your groups, and you all ignored me. If anything, I needed the attention of so called “caring friends”. Apparently that’s just some hopeful view that you guys pretend to show me then back out on it when I really needed it.
I don’t get my teachers either. I get insulted by my fellow student body, and I get told to stop causing such a mess. I didn’t start it, I didn’t provoke it. It’s become their habit to degrade me and I get in trouble? Why do you join them to? Am I that easy of a target? Just because I don’t respond? Why the hell are you guys messing with me? I come home wanting to cry, but I hold it in and flash a fake smile so my parents to get worried. Everyday I feel like a piece of feces. Hell you guys treat me like a piece of crap. Why is it I’m the one defending myself then get blamed for causing such a “disturbance”?
Oh, never mind, because I came out I got labeled as “troubled” to the school. You guys knew I was dealing with parental and student issues, yet you pretended as if those stories were made up even though you saw them with your own eyes. Is it right for a boy to be mentally abused for 5 years, even after he’s had the courage to say something about it? You, the school, the student body, and the teachers have lowered my self esteem to think I’m no better than a rotting apple discarded in a landfill.
I tried killing myself before. I sat on a road. All the cars managed to stop and the police dragged me away. Again, nothing happened. My parents said it was just a stage. They weren’t even supportive, just “an embarrassment to the family” they said. I tried to buy a gun, but I don’t even know where to start. I live in such a sheltered society, and I’m so innocent. I’ve been raised to be a push over, someone afraid of the dark, brain washed with stories of Asian countries having people slaughtered just by walking on the streets in the middle of the night.
I wish I was dead.
3 comments
If you want someone to talk to I’m here. I’m 17 so I assume we are about the same age. I have a few ways you can contact me. I wish I was dead to but I can listen. When you are depressed I know it can help to vent. I’m always looking for someone to jsut even talk to. I’m up a lot late a lot but school is soon. I don’t have school on Fridays so yeah.
AIM: Madmaxzy15
E-mail: madmaxzy15@aim.com (I do check it often, even hourly)
MSN: max032393@yahoo.com (Windows Live, same difference)
Also, my name is Max in case you decide to talk.
I hope to hear from you.
Those “friends” of yours arent really good friends. The people I so called “friends” said shit behind my back when i came out as well with my depression. They would say is she dead yet and when is she going to die. It was not nice at all and it did hurt but i later knew that there was no point in caring what they say becuase there will be other people who know exactly how we feel and sometimes we have to learn to be patient so we can find what weve been looking for. Sadly ive given up on waiting, but you shouldnt.
I also had problems in school, i almost got to kill myself once just bekause of the school… My teachers didn’t get me and i was at the principal almost every day.. This kept on for 4 years.. 4th grade to 7th grade. I cut myself everyday, so i got loads of scars, and still today, im drepressed.. I just can’t get over it.. And a bonus is that my gf dumped me for a reason i don’t know.. Fuck my life…
I know how your feeling, your not alone… Talk to me if you want to..