I’ve told the school, I was suicidal.Â I told my “friends”.Â I listened to advice online.Â I came out.Â I needed help.
Why did you just look at me as if I was a helpless full from no return?Â I was never on drugs.Â I never drank, I never smoked, I was always above the influence, yet you disregarded me as if I didn’t fit in anymore.Â I was excluded from your groups, and you all ignored me.Â If anything, I needed the attention of so called “caring friends”.Â Apparently that’s just some hopeful view that you guys pretend to show me then back out on it when I really needed it.
I don’t get my teachers either.Â I get insulted by my fellow student body, and I get told to stop causing such a mess.Â I didn’t start it, I didn’t provoke it.Â It’s become their habit to degrade me and I get in trouble?Â Why do you join them to?Â Am I that easy of a target?Â Just because I don’t respond?Â Why the hell are you guys messing with me?Â I come home wanting to cry, but I hold it in and flash a fake smile so my parents to get worried.Â Everyday I feel like a piece of feces.Â Hell you guys treat me like a piece of crap.Â Why is it I’m the one defending myself then get blamed for causing such a “disturbance”?
Oh, never mind, because I came out I got labeled as “troubled” to the school.Â You guys knew I was dealing with parental and student issues, yet you pretended as if those stories were made up even though you saw them with your own eyes.Â Is it right for a boy to be mentally abused for 5 years, even after he’s had the courage to say something about it?Â You, the school, the student body, and the teachers have lowered my self esteem to think I’m no better than a rotting apple discarded in a landfill.
I tried killing myself before.Â I sat on a road.Â All the cars managed to stop and the police dragged me away.Â Again, nothing happened.Â My parents said it was just a stage.Â They weren’t even supportive, just “an embarrassment to the family” they said.Â I tried to buy a gun, but I don’t even know where to start.Â I live in such a sheltered society, and I’m so innocent.Â I’ve been raised to be a push over, someone afraid of the dark, brain washed with stories of Asian countries having people slaughtered just by walking on the streets in the middle of the night.
I wish I was dead.