Hi. My name is Philip Yarbrough, age 19. I suppose I should share some things with you all. I live in a very rural community, full of people that are unkind, cruel, and spiteful. I moved here when I was 15. Ever since I’ve moved here I have been treated like an outsider. I was beaten repeatedly in highschool for just being the new kid. I guess, wouldn’t been so bad if the wanted my money or something besides giving me pain. I did fight back once, threating to kill them and I was nearly arrested. Something that should have happened to those kids, but they were important to the sports teams and I was new… I ended up dropping out at age 17, I didn’t have any friends and at the rate thing were going I probably would have made due or my threats. I got a job at a local store, and I made a couple friends. A girl I worked with and her boyfriend. I hung out with them all the time. I can honestly say I felt like I mattered for the first time ever. I loved them and would have died to protect them. 6 to 7 months into the friend ship I changed, like my entire thought process was undone. I became inconsiderate, angry and very moody. I lost them both nearly a year ago. And I cannot believe I didn’t see how she was feeling. I never felt closer to anyone. I never truly, truly loved anyone before. I wish I could’ve told her, but her boyfriend was too good a friend, I couldn’t betray him like that. On her birthday she told how it was and that I should leave. Her boyfriend was nice about everything, but I understood him taking her side. I haven’t been able to make any friends since. I tried college, but it was just like High School, sans beatings. So I’ve spent my time over the past 7-8 months alone talking to people to that aren’t there and don’t exist. I need someone, ANYONE, to just talk to me, let me know that I’m not alone and that I do matter. I don’t want to die deep down, but I know I don’t have the coping skills to continue much longer. What should I do?
6 comments
deliciouspeach@hotmail.com
Can i talk to you?
Hi Phil!
How are you? How was your day today?
What do you mean by “talking to people to that aren’t there”? Do you have imaginary friends?
I would suggest that you try your GP service – not necessarily about talking to people that aren’t there, but more importantly that you would like to talk to someone when you feel lonely that is. There should be a service where you can speak to someone in confidence if you wanted to talk to someone. You could also find ways to keep yourself occupied at those times when you are likely to feel alone & lonely by taking up volunteering maybe? Example of one such service -Crisis UK. I am not canvassing for them. Just that I found it useful when I volunteered with them. That aside there are networking sites where you should be able to meet people online – though I have found the online games sites more helpful, personally.
I can also see that newgirl would like to talk to you. Hope the above helped. Good luck!
Hi. =)
I’ve done a lot of studying up on depression and mood swings, as I had my first break with depression and anxiety when I was also 19. It appears that that is a common age for people to start feeling down, moody, upset, and generally unhappy with life. This is how I felt, and I too dropped out of college.
Take camfort in knowing that IT WILL PASS. Believe me. I was able to get myself back into college, make friends, hold a job down, and all of the things I thought would not be possible. I did those things because I sought help in as many different ways as possible. I found a nice therapist to talk to, and when I didn’t have insurance I found sites such as this to talk to people who knew how I felt. At times of crisis, I took myself to the hospital and found that medications to help me relax and sleep weren’t so bad. In fact, they helped a lot.
There is always hope, and you are never, never, never alone.
I’ll talk to you =)
ladybloodcrave@hotmail.com
Hey Phil:)
I am here for you. I know that sometimes life can get you down but you have to keep holding firm. You have so much to live for that it isn’t even funny. I would love to sit here and explain to you how special of a person you are but I would love to sit down and get to know you better and understand how you feel. So if you ever need someone to speak to, vent to, or just share a laugh or two with….you can contact me at angeloflight91@hotmail.com
Isnt fair
Trying to explain the things I carnt say
Getting it rite but in the wrong way
Trying to free the love we sheared
Spiralling out control going no where
Bleeding hearts going no where
Ripped out – left limp on the floor
Breathless feeling – endless pain
Dieing slowly – was it a game
Bright lights and angels every where
A sudden realisation this isn’t fair
I had a dream that was far away
Now im in heaven a place to stay
Love is a word that captures your soul
Should live with you till you get old
If it should break and darkness falls
The strong live – the weak ones fall