I was browsing the web on reasons why I’m tired and depressed all the time and this poped up…I couldn’t help but to read every post cuz this is all similair to what I been going thru my whole life…I’m 26f I have 3 kids and I’m so depressed..I’ve tried pills therapy everthing..I’ve even admitted myself to mental ward…nothing has helped me..I never smile and when I do its fake..I feel empty and I’m affaid all this will effect my kids..my eight year old is already showing signs of…well a little me! I don’t want hime to be sad,emty and lonely like me. I started a new job yesterday and ended up walking out…I couldn’t handle it. I havnt cried since I was 12. I have no feeling I want to be happy! I have no energy to do anything I don’t know how much longer I can take. I watch my sister work raise her kids live in a nice house with her husband and wonder why can’t I be like that. I see my mom look at her and see in her eyes how proud she is of her. And I never see her look at me like that. My life is a mess! I can’t get it together. I feel like a horible mother for all this. Somethimes I stare at the wall for hours wondering what’s wrong with me. I want help I don’t wanna be like this anymore. I want to be”normal”
2 comments
What is ‘normal’? Do you mean like your sister? You want to live in a big house with matching Volvo’s and chocolate labs, granite counter tops, flat screens, private schools, North Face fleece jackets, and the rest of the “American Dream�
Or maybe you mean the pharmaceutical normal? Pumped full of drugs to chemically alter your brain and your emotions is that normal? How many have you tried? There’s Prozac, Lexapro, Fluvoxamine, Paxil, Zoloft, hell five thousand flavors of anesthetized fake grinning fun!
Unfortunately dear you are not “normal,†and by that I mean you are not able to live in this terrible and disgusting society and act like everything is ok. This is not to say that I don’t think you can become “normal†or that it’s a bad idea, I think you should do whatever fulfills you and allows you to be at peace within yourself.
It just saddens me to read your post and hear about your pain all biased around your desire to be just another materialistic stereotypical American. I don’t think that brings anyone true happiness and that is why so many of us have ended up here seeking the support and advice of other individuals who feel like we do.
I hope you can find a true reason to be happy. I hope that you can discover real meaning in life. I hope that you are granted the strength to raise children in such a difficult time. I truly hope all these things. The thing I hope most for though, is for another lost soul like myself to stop judging themselves and feeling inferior because we don’t live up to or buy into the stereotypical “American Dream.†The big house, the matching Volvo’s, designer clothes, social standing, vacations at Hilton Head, country clubs, materialism, shit you don’t need, stock options, platinum cards, more shit you don’t need…
what _ said above is right.
DarkDaze, as you can surely see from all the threads & posts & comments in this website, you know that you’re NOT alone.. but I know how finding *similar* like-minded people in your REAL life, is sometimes just damn difficult, that you almost lose hope to this whole ‘humanity’ thing.
what if I say, that YOU are the one who can see the TRUTH,
and everyone else around you (including your wealthy materialistic sister & even your mom) are the ones who got *brainwashed* so bad, by the Media, the Government, the Corporates, the ‘evil’ System (you’ll notice how many people talk about this in this website,..and now I’m starting to seriously think it’s VERY true!).
and you *know* that living in TRUTH is always never an easy way/thing.
hence, no wonder…”all good people seems to commit suicide”.
can you see the ‘connection’ here? the common treads?..
I myself am still constantly searching and searching for this *Truths*.
I am just basically like you, DarkDaze, so sick and fucking tired of what ‘society’ WANTS or EXPECTS me to do (btw, I’m 28 yrs old now, a male, the eldest son, in an Asian (Chinese) country,..and you ‘know’ what that means right?..damn pressures on getting ‘successful’ in this materialistic world & system even more!!).
I know that LIFE should be *more* than all of this,.. in reading all these stories in this website finally, for the first time really, ‘connects’ me in what’s really WRONG with today’s society, and also humanity today!
so if you don’t mind,..I’m asking you to please browse around and read some of the posts here, just browse around ’em, I’ve particularly found many posts in this month (August 2010) to be very interesting ones! with many posters (people) here can seemingly & amazingly RELATE with/to one another, each other!!
something is just not right in this current ‘society’ now,
and no wonder so many otherwise ‘normal’ people commit suicide more often!..