Please, I need some help. Forget about what causes it; I’m just sick of being in pain. I notice that I can have a few good days during the week if I’m lucky, but the rest of the time I’m in pain and I’m just tired of it. And it’s such a shame to throw away a potentially good life, but I don’t know what to do anymore.Â I can really see how good it can beÂ if my mental handicaps didn’t bring me down all the time and I just keep saying to myself, “It’s not fair.” I don’t know what this came from or why I got it, but this depression has really gotten the better of me and it’s demonstrable through my actions as well as my head.
I’m tired of being “teased” by seeing my fellow colleagues go about their business with nothing crippling them. Everyone has their own problems, but they’re SO MINOR compared to someone with a mental disorder like depression. I suppose the severity of them is really relative, but from my eyes their absolutely managable to say the least. I am tired of this pain and I’m tired of the prospect for a brighter future when one has yet to come for so many years now. I can’t seem to get into a relationship, I don’t have a real value system, I’m constantly worried about my phsique, I can’t stand to be around my parents when they eat or have the tv on at night, and so much more. I am just bombared by realizations and mental handicaps and I’m tired of hoping for a brighter future. At what point, even if I knew for a fact that a brighter future awaits, do I decide that the pain I must go through to get to there isn’t worth it? It’s just a real slap in the face knowing that it’s potentially there and that everyone around me has it already.
My performance at work is greatly affected, I often feel “out of it” or depressed when having simple conversations with people, and I’m rarely stimulated by the content of those conversations. I don’t care about a lot of nonsense that people discuss, but I wish that did. I wish that I could function normally. I’m tired of being surrounded by monkeys. I don’t know what to do. I honestly don’t want to die, but I also honestly don’t want to continue living with the quality of life that I have maintained for quite some time.