Ever since I can remember I have been working to achieve a particular career goal. Recently, because of some stupid mistakes I have made this career is now no longer possible. I wish I knew how to quanitfy the amount of time, money, energy and effort I have wasted on this goal.
I cannot imagine doing anything else with my life and I am so mad at myself for making such stupid mistakes. I dont know what to do or where to go. I feel so lost and alone. Very few people I know can understand what I am going through. What should I do? I wish I had some answers.
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What do you enjoy doing?
lostandalone87, if I may know, what’s your dreams, and what “stupid mistakes” have you made?
I am currently also, like you, *know* what’s my utmost ultimate dream is, and I really can’t imagine doing anything else, it feels really so much like my Life grandest’s Purpose. yes, it’s like a Calling or something! I view it not only as a mere “job” or “money-making” thing, but really spiritual indeed!
and I’ll tell you what it is: to become a musician/composer/songwriter, an inspiring, heartfelt, and enlightening one (hopefully!), not the mainstream money,sex,status ones so abundant nowadays!
But since this means that I’ll be going down the “Idealist artist” path, I can already foresee perhaps ALL the troubles, and putting me down, and to be very honest, sometimes I’m not sure I am ready to face all those BS craps, because even NOW I’m already feeling sick & tired of the ‘System’ of this world operates, money thing, and the whole kissing-ass and even dirty politics involved in something as supposedly pure as Music (Art) !!!
yes, it’s how fucked-up the whole label & industry thing really is (hearing from many musician friends of mine). lucky that indie acts/bands/musicians are now in the rise thanks to Internet mostly, but yeah..maybe THIS is the only thing that I can still have HOPE for.
like you, I am so scared with all the “what ifs”, and if I’m too LATE (I’m 28 now) to literally ‘start over’ again from zero in terms of career, choosing to leave my soul-sucking 9-to-5 family business corporate job.
Even thinking all of this honestly makes me FEAR about living, in this -let’s just admit it- materialistic & superficial world, MOSTLY!
bottom line is I am so damn scared that it’ll take more than just my talents, vision, ie: it doesn’t matter how great or majestic the talents & visions I have,..if I don’t play along with the ‘System’ , yes that corrupt, ‘evil’, and fucked-up System that essentially almost destroy the pure concept of music and art,..if I don’t play along with it, then would I STILL be able to ‘succeed’??
Well I’m still putting hope due to seeing some “idealist” artists/indie musicians who have made it anyway! at least it still gives me hope that YES it’s still possible, to keep tumbling down, and then you go rise up again, and keep on doing, NEVER GIVE UP the dreams,….until you’ve finally succeeded.
When I read inspiring stories such as Thomas Alva Edison’s 10,000 tries & experiments with founding electricity, and of how Colonel Harland Sanders of KFC, at his sixties(!), and his recipe idea got rejected like hundreds(?) times, if i’m not mistaken, and yet these two still NEVER GAVE UP, and kept pushing and doing,..until they’ve finally reached their utmost dreams, and even as a bigger rewards, to be acknowledged & outstanding much more than so many “normal, common” people. When I read these kind of stories,..it always -again- still gives me HOPE (human beings always need HOPE, or they’d better be viewed as dead already)
But yeah,..the scary part though, still, is of how we will NEVER able to predict what’s the future going to look like. Life is so full of uncertainty, and sometimes we can’t really ‘fight’ against the so-called “Reality” ,
OR,
would you say we can always CREATE our own Reality?
Which one are you?…
I dont know what I like to do, if I cannot do this Im not sure I want to do anything else. I hate my life soo much I cannot stand it. It literally hurts to breathe. I dont know what I want.
Niki- Go for your dream, there is still a chance it could come true. My is completely dead there is no hope. I cannot create my own reality in this case.