i think its time when i tried before i was drunk both times doing this sober gives me a chance of getting it right.iv been on so many sites trying to make friends but noone wants to know me and i dont blame them i think everybody hates me because i bring them down.im already dreading the thought of another xmas alone and new years eve praying someone will call and wish me happy new year but they never do so i just aswell not be around anymore i should have finished this off along time ago ive tried the samaritans all they do is ask questions i cant get past the docs receptionist its got nothing to do with them anyway im not going to do another 4 months of this !
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You are on this site. You understand the way we feel. That means you belong. You’re not alone. Me might be miles away, but we’re all close in thought 🙂
thanks jennyA i went down hill yesterday making 2 nooses and placing 1 in car and 1 in bedroom.i want to be ready when the time arrives wherever i am i cant get beachy head out of my mind its only an hours drive and would be over in a flash.but i started smashing the house up yesterday in a moment of anger glasses/heater/cd’s/keyboard and stool all smashed yesterday then i just sat on the floor and cried.i dont think ive got long left and want to be done by xmas i dont think i can face another one of those trying to fake happiness.
Hi Andi8172!
I sincerely hope the rest of today has been relatively better!
Like JennyA says you are not alone in your thoughts. I don’t like being alone at Xmas and New Year either – in fact at any of the Bank holidays / festival times. I choose to work just so I won’t be alone. A couple of years back I volunteered over the Xmas hols – so that I can be with people, who may not be my family nor friends (who I don’t have anyways). I found that helped. I didn’t have to fake happiness. At the end of each day of volunteering – I found myself neither happy nor sad. It was a lot better than being by myself watching TV / drinking alone.
yes a few people have told me to volunteer but i dont think ill make it i have now sought help but im now thinking its not helping maybe because i didnt expect it to,im still cutting myself i just want a family member to say something snide so i can let blast what my life is like,what ive done to myself ,how many attempts ive made,then ill get angry and end the self loathing!