Enough is Enough

Bear with me, I haven’t done this before. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Basically, I have nothing to live for. That’s the basics. I’m 21, I have no family, due to severe abuse in my childhood, and since I was 10 I have suffered from mental health issues. I overdosed many times and started self harming. At 14 I was put in care, and had to go to a young people’s mental health unit for 4 years. Since leaving there I have always been very up and down but last July it got worse, and I tried killing myself through overdose. Didn’t work, as you can tell. This past year has been hell. Literally. Every minute physically pains me to get through, let alone every hour, every day… I have started self harming again and 2 weeks ago I took another overdose. Once again, I failed. I can’t even do this properly. So I’ve searched the web, and come up with hanging myself. Someone said to me the other day, maybe you don’t want to die, maybe you just want the pain to stop. No, this isn’t the case. I want to die. I don’t want anything. I’ve been fighting to keep going for 11 years, over half of my life. And I literally have no fight left in me. I don’t even want to try, because I always seem to end up here, feeling this way. I feel so worthless, empty, and disgusting. And I genuinely think enough is enough. I have just been diagnosed with bipolar, and its possible I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m just lost. Here but not here. Watching people living their lives, while I am merely existing. This isn’t a life. I have no family, I have few friends, my past haunts me even now. And it shouldn’t. I should be over it by now. But I’m not. God this probably doesn’t even mae sense, my head feels so fuzzy, all my thoughts entangled. Sorry.