Hi, I have been reading posts for the last few days. I am a 45 year old mother of two teenagers, and have been emotionally and sexually abused in my first marriage, for 12 years. Although this is now more than 10 years ago, now it has come back to haunt me. I’ve had depression before, but this time it is very serious, I’ve been in and out of a psychiatric hospital this year, been seriously depressed for about a year now. Today I more or less decided that enough is enough, and I will end my life in the next few days. Tomorrow is my older son’s 17th birthday, I will stay around for that, and a few days beyond that, so that he will not associate his birthday with my death. I am thinking of Thursday or Friday at the moment. I have researched and selected the Helium method, and have sourced but not yet bought my supplies.
I say “more or less” decided, because I am acutely aware what this will do to my children. When I made the decision to die I was so elated and relieved, I felt liberated and free, but looking at my children I feel desperately sad and guilty. I have plenty of professional help available, but I am not sure whether they can really help me anymore. If all they have done so far has not made me any better….???? I get better, ever so slowly, work so hard, and then something happens and within a day I am back to square one. I have wanted do die for so long, so badly, I cannot even imagine how life could be like without that death wish. Tomorrow I will buy the helium.