I am here as someone that received an opportunity to change … or as I see it, I only failed. Well, my story is that in 2007 I couldn’t deal anymore with anything: university, family, friends, people, nothing. so in september I waited to midnight and took a bunch of pills that I colected for months and some that I found in the kitchen … result? here I am! an hour later after I took the pills I woke up feeling terrible and for some stupid reason I thought I was paying for my ‘suicide’ thinking that I was still alive but it wasn’t true. Idiot me right? Well my poor mom woke up and got freaked out because she saw me in the floor of the bathroom pale, unable to stand up and vomiting non-stop. After that we ended in the only ER open and my ‘doctors’ couldn’t explain what was wrong with me, they thought I was pregnant (?¿).
Point is that after the dramatic situation I thought everything was going to be different and for a while I was happy but happiness is just for moments, is not eternal, so since the beggining of 2008 everything is worst, I don’t want to try it again because I love my family and just to imagine the pain I could cause them kills me but I’m scare that if I did once the second is just a matter of when and is not fair that we are here suffering this much! because is not that ‘oh I just want to die today for fun’ this is serious and we’re not able to find support on others or the strenght to say enought with this, I’m not going to waste my life thinking how unhappy I am and instead I’ll do something … just want to know why? why is different with us?
Oh by the way if you find what I wrote bad written, my mother language is spanish so that may explain and too long I know, sorry
3 comments
Hola, i hope your feeling better. Family is important and you are important to them…..times get tough, I know this all too well. You have people that love and care about you…….remember that!!!
things will get better maybe not tomorrow or next week or even next year, but your life is precious and many people realise that, even if it is hard to see at this moment….good luck and I wish you all the best
Hi Lenka, I just read your post and felt like I wanted to respond to you. I too feel this way, I have a recent post on here myself, maybe you could read it and see if you feel the same?
Being on here in the past few days has shown me that there are other people that feel the same, good people too. And a lot of my own opinion on that has been confirmed being here too. There is a really good post on here called something like ‘maybe we are all evil in some way’ or something like that, it’s by a person called Splinter, it’s recent too, so read that and see how you feel about it. It’s quite a harsh post that could be hard to read for many people but I find so much truth in it. Reading it might help you to understand why you feel this way and why so many others feel this way too. Like you say ‘why is it different with us?’ maybe you are about to find out?
If you would like to be in contact with me let me know and we can email, if we live near each other we could meet? I am in the UK, London.
Lenka:
I am so glad that you have a supportive, loving family. That is truly a gift from God. Even so, I hope that all is well with you and that your soul can be strengthen to deal with your obstacles. We have all been through some things that have made life seem so unbearable and impossible to live. But I know that you have so much potential to see it through.
Happiness is never eternal, just as sorrow isn’t either. I know it sounds so cliche but without sorrow we could never appreciate joy and the little things in life that brings us happiness. There is a time for everything under the sun my dear.
As it relates to feeling like you are different because of your thoughts, dont feel that way. As much advice as I issue to countless people on this site, I get down sometimes to. It is only in human nature to feel the way that you do sometimes. So yes, it is an ‘us’ that experience tough times and unbearable, unexplainable emotions. But you are not alone. We all have our ups and downs.
If you ever need someone to speak to, I am here. I refuse to judge, will always listen and give the best advice that I can. You can contact me at angeloflight91@hotmail.com. May peace be with you my dearest Lenka:)