Hey there, I came across this site last night and I really couldn’t help but post about some of my own suicidal feelings.
For the past few years now my zest for life has slowly slipped away to barely anything. I look at the world, the people I am around, the things I do and I can’t help but feel tired of it. I look at myself and can’t shake the feeling like I should be somewhere else.
It’s not like I can’t feel happy, it’s not like certain things here can’t make me happy, it’s just that the happiness I feel here is so shallow and meaningless. For the longest time I figured it was just because I wanted to find something that I could call my own, at first that was cutting… then it stopped making me feel good and I just didn’t want to keep chopping myself up like that, then I tried focusing myself on school and failed miserable. As time went on I tried and tried to find reason to stay around,but I would always fail due to my own sabotage.For the Longest while I would ask myself why pretending that it was for this reason or another, but now I see it’s just because I don’t want to be here any more.
I feel so burned out. When I tell people about these feelings they act as if I’m horrible for feeling them, or they try to cure me when there really isn’t any cure for someone like me, or they just humour me till they think I feel better . I just want to feel myself fade I want to feel myself slip away and never come back to this place. Â I want freedom, actual freedom.
Suicide just feels and seems the only way out of all of this. I’ve thought about various ways to do it. The ones I would feel most comfortable with would be either shooting myself in the heart, or just jumping off Â of a really high building. Everything just seems so pointless and I feel so alone, no matter where I go or who I seek help from… i always end up feeling alone and longing for more than I can find here.