Hey there, I came across this site last night and I really couldn’t help but post about some of my own suicidal feelings.
For the past few years now my zest for life has slowly slipped away to barely anything. I look at the world, the people I am around, the things I do and I can’t help but feel tired of it. I look at myself and can’t shake the feeling like I should be somewhere else.
It’s not like I can’t feel happy, it’s not like certain things here can’t make me happy, it’s just that the happiness I feel here is so shallow and meaningless. For the longest time I figured it was just because I wanted to find something that I could call my own, at first that was cutting… then it stopped making me feel good and I just didn’t want to keep chopping myself up like that, then I tried focusing myself on school and failed miserable. As time went on I tried and tried to find reason to stay around,but I would always fail due to my own sabotage.For the Longest while I would ask myself why pretending that it was for this reason or another, but now I see it’s just because I don’t want to be here any more.
I feel so burned out. When I tell people about these feelings they act as if I’m horrible for feeling them, or they try to cure me when there really isn’t any cure for someone like me, or they just humour me till they think I feel better . I just want to feel myself fade I want to feel myself slip away and never come back to this place. Â I want freedom, actual freedom.
Suicide just feels and seems the only way out of all of this. I’ve thought about various ways to do it. The ones I would feel most comfortable with would be either shooting myself in the heart, or just jumping off  of a really high building. Everything just seems so pointless and I feel so alone, no matter where I go or who I seek help from… i always end up feeling alone and longing for more than I can find here.
7 comments
I have no idea if you are still out there. But i couldn’t be content without atleast trying to get to you. i’m not going to plead with you or beg you not to do it. I’m not going to tell you that your wrong. I do know how you feel tho. I have been a cutter for the past 5 years of my lfe. I had actually stopped an hadn’t done it for over a year. but you know what they say. once a cutter always a cutter. I recently started again. It doesn’t help anymore either. I was diagnosed with severe depression 3 years ago and my parents refused to get me meds. i’m still a minor so i can’t do anything about it cuz to get the meds i need i need parents consent. I have often felt alone in this world. and as you said. people are often telling me i’m wrong for feeling depressed, or they just try to make me laugh and they think i’m fine. All i’m trying to let you know with this. is that you are not alone in the world. Cuz i’m here. and if you need to talk ever. just leave me a comment or a message. idk how this website works. since i just signed up. But that offer goes out to anyone that needs to talk.
I’m still here, unfortunately I don’t have that gun to shoot myself in the heart with yet or a building high enough for me to jump from without just breaking a rib or two.
I wasn’t going to do anything at the time I wrote this. I’ve just been feeling like shit for the past few months, and the day I made this I started to feel a little better. However I think I did it while I was too fresh from my other feelings so my state of mind at that time kind of came out, sorry if I worried you.
I also wanted to say thanks. A kind word or two can make something as unbearable as the way I feel seem a little bit more manageable.
I’d also love to talk any time.
You poor thing, I sincerely hope you find some peace one way or another. I am thinking about you xxx
Thank you flowers.
Hey you, thank goodness you’re okay! Well you missed out on all the action it’s been like a way film on here!! 🙂
I too feel like packing it all in, each day is a struggle and battle with my own thoughts. You can talk to me anytime and if you want to drop me your email address I’m happy to chat to you anytime there, or on here.
x
I meant war film! Even my typing has gone to pot!
LOL no problem pink404 I understood what you meant. Thanks for the offer.