I’m 48 and my ‘depression’ started about 25 years ago. I was never diagnosed as bipolar or anything, just occasionally put on anti-depressants. I got better many times and enjoyed life, but always kind of knowing that ‘all was not well really’. I’m attractive and have friends and family, I’ve always done what IÂ want to do more than what society wants me to do. I am very spiritual and as least materialistic as society allows (to the point of not starving on the streets).Â
I want to tell you all, that if you feel suicidal because the world just isn’t what you think it should be, then I promise you, it wont get better, in fact it’s going to get a lot worse. Two of my closest friends work in the finance sector and and my friends husband is a finance genius (believe me), and it is BAD news for the future. If your worries aren’t purely financial, that doesn’t matter – life as you know it, as bad as it is now, is going to let A LOT worse.Â
My point to this is; My ‘depression’ started when I began to see the world how it really is (and I don’t mean negatively, just realistically). I got depressed about that (being a spiritual type) and I got better, and depressed again and better again etc etc. But each time the depression returns, and no matter how good the good times were, it hits harder and darker every time. Â For all those on here talking of finding your spiritual enlightenment in this world – I don’t know if I’m older and more experienced than any of you, but in my experience; Â there is no point. All you are doing is trying to con your own self further into being deluded that anything spiritual is left on the surface of this planet. I am not saying that there are not people here who are spiritual, there are, I am one of them, but we are such a tiny minority, we are outnumbered by gargantuan proportions. You’re depressed because your spirituality is telling you this. It doesn’t want to be here, it is lonely and scared.Â
I know because I have tried all of what you are advising here. I do all the small things such as spread kindness. I try to connect other spiritual souls as much as possible, but no matter how many you connect, it will never be enough. If you want to try it why don’t you go onto a a more ‘popular’ website such as yahoo answers and pose a ‘thinking question’ and watch the response. Try to stand up on a train carriage and talk to people about spirituality, and watch the abuse and ridicule come at you (I have never done this btw)
I have forced myself to live further and further, despite my knowing that this life is simply not for me, to only find myself older and more exhausted and even more sad about the lack of love in the world. Even reading this websites posts, you are all so divided and so passionate about your beliefs, we have long past the stage in this cycle of gathering beautiful spiritual souls, we have been damaged beyond all repair and the only reason anyone (who is spiritual) is striving further is due to being deluded and attached to this physical life, which is contradictory in itself.Â
People are suicidal because it’s natural, we are forced to live against our own freedoms and intelligences, spirituality has nowhere to go. It really is that simple and there is nothing you can do about it, and there is nothing that you SHOULD do about it either. Except accept it, or leave. Â It really is that simple.
Anna, this is THE best post I have read on here, so honest, so factual and really speaks to my soul. I have been on here for 2 weeks, searching for a reason to stay alive, I know that I don’t REALLY want to die, but I really feel in my soul that it is the only option. Of course the other option is to just shut up and get on with it, but isn’t that another form of suicide?
I have read some interesting posts on here and some of them have even had me going off and studying new ‘theories’ about life – very eye-opening!! BUT, it doesn’t make me want to die any less. Some talk on here about us finding the strength to live and finding purpose and I love hearing the words and thinking those kind of things, but I also feel sad that we are STILL trying to do that in a world that is so clearly designed for that not to happen. I mean, these guys talking about indigo children, whilst it raises awareness to us ignorant people, it doesn’t solve anyone’s problems does it? If the guys on youtube and trying to change laws aren’t getting anywhere then what is the point?
I agree, it’s very sad but it’s true, we are all just desperately holding onto something that died a very long time ago – PURPOSE, and that’s what our soul is saying and that’s why only materialistic or fearful or ignorant people can live.
I hate to say it, because I am one of them, but my spirit is yelling at me to listen, I KNOW I have to die, but I can’t get over that learned fear of death. Your post has given me a bit more strength. It’s all I really want is death.
Good post Anna, thanks!
I remember about 20 years ago I was working with ‘mentally ill’ people and those who were suicidal and I was endlessly trying to to get people to find some peace here on earth, just like many are doing on here. I always thought problems in the world were temporary and that life would always get better and we could rise above anything and reach our spiritual ‘purpose’ oh boy believe me have I tried to find that purpose! And I found *it* many times over! 🙂
Now I have been on that journey, I know in my heart that there is nothing in this world for me, I don’t want any of it, not because I am bitter of it, but because I KNOW it is no good. The process I am in now is to get over the fear that has been injected into us of death, it’s so much easier said than done. My brother committed suicide 4 years ago and 2 of my neighbors have and 3 colleagues. I am so jealous every single say that I have not yet found that strength and overcome that fear. I am getting closer everyday. I guess you can’t just un-learn everything you have been told since being born into this prison eh? Just like when the jews were released, no-one ran for freedom, they all either just remained sitting in the camps or walked slowly and aimlessly around nearby, but NO-ONE jumped for joy. They no longer knew what freedom even meant, and for many, it actually scared them.
Here’s a perfect example of what you’re talking about (below), a man who totally opts out of society and becomes self sufficient, just read the comments from the public underneath it, so negative it makes me sick. This guy is just trying to live a more spiritual life and he gets attacked for it. Now, whilst I’m smart enough to understand that they are doing that because they hate what they don’t understand, it still proves that unless you join the ‘machine’ you are basicallly f@cked, or very alone. And also, look how old this guy is, trying doing this now, anyone on here try actually leaving your house and your belongings and going to live off the land – no way can we do that now and certainly no-one young, they would be either dragged to prison or hospital or put on the news as a tramps or activist.
whoops, sorry, forgot the link of the self sufficient man:
Finally some people that arent unnaturally optimistic. Everywhere we go we have to deal with ‘Live life!’ people. After awhile optimism seems so… idiotic and nonsensical.
JohnB, no you are wrong.
the whole thing about Indigo thing, is actually one of only FEW things, that I still somewhat cling and hope for.
If all the predictions and all those spiritual gurus etc are right that there will certainly be a HUGE shift in human’s consciousness after year 2012, then I still can see that there might really still be a HOPE for humanity & mankind.
but even if it turns out to be false, and nothing happened after year 2012,
then I can, somewhat ironically, rest assured that it’s OKAY.
human species will eventually perhaps come into extinction, and that’s OKAY. so hopefully the next new-born species on Earth (whatever that is) would learn what’s so fucking wrong with our species, and take some lessons from it.
Life will just continue, whether with or without human beings.
and that is, somehow, enough for me to ironically feel somewhat ‘happy’,
knowing that in the grand scheme of everything in this Universe, things will be OKAY.
@maggie: but certainly human beings nowadays have *learned* what’s wrong & terrible with the Holocaust & World War, and to make sure NOT to repeat it again today, in such grand scale, isn’t it?
this is why I believe that we, each and all of us, human beings, are put here on Earth to only do one thing: to LEARN, and keep advancing.
I like that one post that said “People are people. and that’s why it’s so false/wrong to expect that they can be PERFECT”.
We, human species, are here here to LEARN, through our evolution.
and this is why I somewhat put my hope in all those spiritual gurus who kept saying that there’ll be a HUGE shift in human’s Consciousness to a Higher one, after year 2012.
“People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy.” – Batman Begins
and if that means a big, huge catastrophe that will eliminate like 3/4th of human civilization, then so be it.
So be it, so the remaining of our species can certainly be ‘awakened’, and LEARN something from it! they MUST learn from it,..or they will perish/extinct.