I am a 19 year old male. I have a broken family, my dad lives miles away and my mother kicked me out of home. I have no supportive family that cares any longer. I flunked out of college because I don’t care. I am starving to death and cant afford to pay the rent because I don’t care. I quit my job because I don’t care. My parents haven’t spoken to me in months, they couldn’t care if I was alive or dead, because THEY don’t care.
Why don’t I care? Why don’t they care?
I have Pectus Excavatum. I look like a pot bellied Ethiopian.
Every square centimetre of my body is covered with large, unsightly moles. I even have 4 large moles on my face.
I have Peyronie’s Disease (I cannot get a proper erection and my dick bends panfully when I do)
I have a mole on my dick
My dick is just shy of 3 inches in length.
I am impotent ( never produced a drop of sperm in my life)
I have a bone deformity in my legs, causing me to be pigeon toed and have deformed knees
I have Sclerosis
My teeth are crooked and fucked up beyond belief
I have a heart condition
I haven’t taken off my top in public since I was 13. I am extremely ugly, and even if I was the most beautiful creature on earth, sex with the opposite sex would be impossible. To make matters worse and amplify these feelings of brokenness, I have fallen in love with a girl, who one of my friends is now banging. I have to reject any girl who is mad enough to take interest in me, because if she did, I would have some very awkward explaining to do.
Every single facet of my life is mortally and utterly fucked. I would need tends of thousands of Euro to fix my problems, and by the time I could afford such luxuries, I would be a balding 40 year old virgin.
I am going to prepare a formal note to post to my parents (if they even remember I exist) and then I will hang myself tomorrow morning.
If I only I had a broken body, but an amazing supporting family. Of only I had a destroyed and abusive family, but a normal average body. If only I had both problems, but was too stupid to be aware and care.
I am living, breathing and crying proof there is no god.
6 comments
I’m really sorry this happened to you. I can’t say I can relate completely, but I can on some level. I’m 17 and transgendered and I know what it’s like for everyone to think you’re revolting. I don’t know how to help because I really can’t. Idk. Its just weird how people freak out over other people who are only slightly different from them. There are some people out there who aren’t so judgmental, but, as you know, almost everyone will be. I guess it boils down to whether you need contact with those people to live or not? I mean every day after school I go home and go online so I can forget I was ever there in the first place. It works sometimes. Also, drugs. You know what the worst part is? Depression is only romantic when it happens to beautiful people. Nobody gives a fuck if you’re sad and ugly. Some messed up world we live in.
I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you :'(
It made me so sad reading your story, but please do not go ahead with suicide. There are most definitely people on this earth who love you and will stand by you, like me for one. I totally agree with 31Flavor’s comment.
Take care buddy, you will break through this and you are not worthless at all.
You actually are living, breathing proof that God does exist.
He made you for a reason. Just because you choose to see only the bad things about yourself doesn’t mean there isn’t a God.
He does have a plan for you. You just need to go out there and find what that plan is.
You’re choosing to let bad things happen to you, because you think to yourself that it’s going to happen. And it will if you truly believe it. But, if you change the way you think, different things will start to happen. For the better, if you think that way.
But, it’s your choice to change the way you live, and the way you think. No one can do it for you. It will get better. I promise you. (:
I am yet to hear all of your good qualities(: I’m sure the pros overpower the cons. As for parents mine are fucked up as well but I choose to ignore them. I also get help because i’ve recently had an epiphany and realized that I do need help because trying to commit suicide is a big deal. But once again please make a list of all your pros and cons and you’ll see your pros over power your cons and even though you might feel lonely, your not, like BILLDENS said I’ll stand by you as well.
hi5, i’ll stand by u too. I’ve come to realise most people in this world are unfortuately very stupid and ignorant. Most, not all. Why we care what another person looks like is a complete mystery to me. The “good looking” people are the most ignorant, most stupid of all. They seem to think they can treat other people like dirt. What a joke. Not one human is perfect anyway, we seem to forget that. It’s so infuryating to know other people’s blindness has caused u to decide to hang yourself. Please don’t do it, u just haven’t met the right people. Some people do believe beauty’s just skin deep. Tell us about ur pros now 🙂
@Jessimahcah – So Mr.Einstein what is God’s plan for the elderly disabled waiting to die in nursing homes? What was God’s plan for victims of holocaust? The deformed and handicapped children that were subject to the horrific medical experiments of WW2?
No offence, but if you’ve never lived as a victim of such catastrophes how the fuk can u sit there & say” No one can do it for you. It will get better. I promise you.”?
Some things don’t change no matter how positive your outlook on life is!