For the past 2 weeks I have kept from committing suicide to explore all possibilities of staying alive. Unlike a lot of others who are suicidal, I don’t have any of these ‘dreams’ that I can relate to. I can see nothing at all that life could offer to me that I would find any real purpose in accepting that. It all makes me feel like a fool. I ask myself why. The answer I find is that mankind is being destroyed right before our very eyes, but we are searching for something aside Â from that which is ludicrous. The onlyÂ purpose that I want is to aid in stopping this madness in some realÂ way. I cannot do that if I live the life that I am given by man, I can only do it if I live the life that I was given by God.
To live the life I was given by man is to pay into a system that is making a fool of me, and that is harming us in the most horrific ways, being expected to not only turn a blind eye to that, but to also be tricked into that some happiness for myself can be found if I continue to support this system. I am smart enough to know that no real happiness can be found in that, sure you can try and sometimes you will smile and dance, but your conscience is always screaming and that’s why we end up so messed up. So we try harder and harder to avoid the screams of our conscience, thus becoming more and more selfish, needy and deluded. To continue this life is to only get worse, unless of course, I ‘dumb down’, I am unable to do this and I also find that insulting to the human race.
To live the life that God has given me is to respect all life and not just my own and that of the ones I love. I have tried to find a way that I can do that, but unless everyone stands together I would just end up in prison or in an asylum. Of course, I could still take that option and see that as my sacrifice in itself, but I also see it as knowingly placing yet another life into the hands of the destroyers.Â
So my protest against what is happening to my species, is to take this life that man has forced upon me, as I see it as useless anyway. If I cannot live by my heart and my conscience, then I simply have no use for it.
I was one of you who read Splinter post and felt a deep connection to it. However, he is not telling people to kill themselves, he is merely trying to plant a much needed seed into the minds of his fellow men before he leaves, which is his choice and I respect that.Â
This is my choice, a very well thought out one. I wont be entering another Monday morning on this planet. Thank God.
Berndt (a 31 year old German mathematician)