Hi everyone, today is my last day and this is my goodbye. It’s funny because for the past few years I have lived in some kind of turmoil, some conflict within myself. Half of me wanting to live, to find joy in life, to be able to trust another and trust in life itself, whilst the other half finds the very notion of all that ridiculous. I have never known which one of those sides of me to trust. The past few weeks I have really dug deep and explored all my feelings and listened to other feelings on here too. I concluded that I want to die, and I know that this time I am right because I actually feel a beautiful sense of peace. I know the act itself is daunting, but life and my living future is also daunting.Â
I hope you all find peace too in whatever you chose.
6 comments
Annie: Strange, I too concluded the same a few days ago, and I am surprised by my feeling of peace, you describe if perfectly. I know my decision is right too. I feel calm and peaceful as if my brain has released something that will aid me to make the last (difficult) move. Almost as if God is guiding me. Now I know that I wasn’t ready the time before.
xxxxxx
annie.. talk to me pls x
God bless you.
August 2010
If only I was here back then 🙁
If you are still out there I hope you are ok. If not… I hope you are at peace.
Good Bye…… I will se ya soon….
I think this is a very reasonable and thought out response. I have arrived at the same place; though, it’s not my time yet. I had fretted with the whole idea of suicide – it seemed morbid, premature, even morally wrong. Years passed and my attitude changed significantly. I don’t believe someone is necessarily deeply depressed to consider their own exit. I can truly appreciate that one can reach a point in their experience here where limits have been reached. Enough is enough, and so forth — whatever your reasons are. Taking time, serious thought is required. I would never recommend and impulsive response.
It took me many years to get to that point of peace where I felt a sense of release and peace with my potential choice. I know it’s there, and I am in control and I am able to make my own choices.