hey, i am not one for self pitying and sit around wondering why life deals such a shit hand at times…
i have really had enough and need to get out of this world,
my life has been hell from the age of 5 with parents that were abusive, i have partners that end up being the same, I have no family apart from one daughter that wont speak to me, not for the want of trying. I am lucky to have a daughter and although i am writing this i cant get away from my past that haunts me. I have a job again which i m grateful for but the people around me just dont seem to care about anything but themselves. I really do attract the wrong people in my life and dont know why??? I would do anything for anyone (maybe i can empathise with my past as i have been through so much) but i actually do care for people but is never resipricated. I went to see a head doctor once and although he was shocked at my past he said that i was such a strong individual and that i could tackle anything in life…
my past consists of a paronid schizophrenic mother, alcoholic father, my older brother has now taken after my mother as he went mad with all the abuse, lost a brother to heroin as again that was his escape…it goes on and on..
anyways im not that strong person otherwise i would not be looking for a way out..
please dont call me selfish as i have a daughter who is 21 (who is now so spoilt as i wrapped her up in cotton wool as i did not want her to go through what i did) she now and lives with my auntie who is a millionaire and can give her the things i cant..hence why she doesnt bother with me..
sorry for rambling on but my state of mind is not good..
I do feel guilty for all the people out there who dont have a choice in living, i only wish i could trade places with them, but i really cant go on like this…
please help me give me the easy option out