It appears long time ago that I have slipped through the cracks of life.Â It seems though I am watching everything from a glass window with no interaction with others.Â I am 29 years old and I honestly do know what to do anymore.Â I have had long term friends just shove me aside like I am a pile of feces waiting to me turned to dust.Â I told all my friends they mean the world to me and that wasn’t enough. My last friend said “We are married and no longer have any time for you.”Â I no longer have any friends.Â Â I sit all day long at my job that dosen’t pay enough to do anything and I go home and watch Dragon Ball Z over and over again.Â I do not know why I don’t see other thingsÂ I guess they just dont interest me.Â I go to school as well but again I sit in class and everyone sits like 6 seats to the left and right of me.Â Every Single Class.Â I know I don’t stink because I shower and take care of my self.Â But it never fails.Â I sit by myself,Â walk by myself, eat and sleep by my self.Â Thinking about it I have been doing this my entire life.
Relationships are non existent.Â Â I worked at a nursing college as a computer techÂ guy for 5 years.Â ( not to be sexist but its a 10:1 women to men in this school ).Â I didn’t meet ANYONE of the opposite sex.Â Â As far as women go I am trying to figure out wtf is wrong with them.Â They would rather be beaten almost to death from a guy who looks good then go out with an average guy who would love them forever and not harm them at all.Â I am not a shallow person but I do want a kid.Â Everone I seem to attract are desperate because they have kids from the douche bag and DONT WANT ANY MORE.Â Then they decide to leave them. WTF!?!
So I try to date these women with kids and its usually works out for a bit.Â They say “omg you are going to be such a great father” and the kids and I get along just great and everything is good for a month or so.Â Then they start to treat ME like shit.Â In 3 months my last girlfriend accused me of cheating seven times.Â I got nasty text messages in class and while I was visiting my family.Â Finally I saidÂ I am done.Â This was Fathers day when I got the seventh message.
I have figured out that there is a purpose in life.Â To grow up, find love, reproduce, pay taxes, and die.Â Thats it. There is nothing else.Â Now some of you might be like “God might have a different plan for you”….No he don’t.Â Honestly I think for those of you who herd the “voice” of god where the lowest point in your life and heard some wind that might have sounded like a voice or you were on crack so lets not go there.Â The brain is not programed to hear voices that are not there come on people.
Now comes the question of the day.Â Do I continue?Â All my life I have tried my best to do the right thing.Â Yes I have made some mistakes in the pastÂ but I like to think that I got over them.Â However the people who were involved in my mistakes probably don’t think that.Â Â Â I help people, volunteer, and donate what little money and time I have.Â Still I sit in front of my TV watching season one over and over.Â When I can afford season two I will get it. I feel like I am in prision and I want to start putting marks on the wall for how long I been here.Â Â How long can a person be this alone and still accept society for what it is.
In my years on this miserable little planet I have got a good I idea for how things work.Â You are only worth anything if you have lots of money or you are beautiful.Â I had money then I gave it to my friends until I had no more.Â Then I was worth nothing to no one.Â It is really sad how this works if you think about it.Â Honestly I would rather grow up in a third world country and drink crappy water and have people care about me then do what I am doing now.
Some of you might read this and think “Oh well this guy is just being Emo”.Â No, no I am not being emo.Â In my life this is how things are.Â I feel like I am the only one who this is happening to.Â I think this way because life seems to be working out for those around me.Â All the people I knew have beautiful families now and are repeating the process that they started. Me, well I am stuck in the cracks.
Given the purposes that I have given you (and yes that’s all you have to look forward too) all I have left is …well…..death.Â Do I hope for the best and “may the good die young”Â or do I just continue to put marks on the wall?
Let me clear up a couple of things.
I know I have really bad sentence mechanics but I try.
I guess what I was trying to say about relationships is that with my friends around me “things just happened”.Â I don’t know how else to explain it.Â In relationships I ask people how they met and I hear their story and I am like “What?”. One of my friends was driving and got a flat tire on the free way and ended up right behind another person who had a flat tire.Â He helped her out they exchanged numbers and now they are married. Its the luck of the cards type of thing.Â I am not shy I can talk to women all day long.Â I should stress in my story that ” I cannot meet single women” instead of anyone of the opposite sex.Â I start to make simple conversation and the first next thing they tell me regardless of what its about, their boyfriend has done it before. Like one time I said “i made pancakes at the bottom of my shoe its so hot out here.” , her response was “Oh yeah my boyfriend did that before”. So I take that has a sign that says get the hell away from me.