I don’t really want to die, I just want to be able to live my own way. I don’t want to be forced to live this life that I have no choice whatsoever over.Â
What I love about life: I love nature, I love the seasons, the river, laughing, talking with my friends, sleeping soundly, dreaming, and thinking deeply. To me, that’s all really  life should be about. There’s nothing wrong with me, except that I am literally forced to see all those things that I love about life as some kind of privilege that you have to deserve. You have to work hard in a job you don’t like (don’t tell me to change my job like it’s that simple) you have to pay bills that you can’t afford. You have to obey countless rules, and the ‘rule book’ isn’t even something that we have access to! Only the lawlords have access to it and if you break one of those rules that you don’t know exists, then you have to pay a lot of money to the few that have access to that rule book so that they can play a very tricky, expensive game in a court, with your life. I want NOTHING to do with that world!  I haven’t myself had any run in’s with the law but I know plenty that have and on behalf of them and on behalf of my respecting my own fellow man, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT WORLD.Â
All I want to do is enjoy my seasons, my thinkings, my peace of mind, my fellow men, my nature. But there is no place for me in the world. Many would call me a bum, or a hippie or someone too mean to contribute to society. That is not true. I would contribute endlessly to a society that is true and has our best interests at heart. I have all the love and action in the world for a society like that.Â
So what about me? Am I not allowed to opt out of this corrupt society? Is the only alternative for me suicide?Â
I am at home right now about to put an exit bag over my head that I have been preparing, and I feel so sad. Sad that I want to live so much, more than the average person that I meet who is actually living (but in my eyes they are merely existing like a robot). I know how to live and how to love, but this world wants rid of me. Thanks world, I loved you so much and had so much to give but you didn’t want it, or me.
I guess this world now belongs to something else other than love and life, it belongs to some kind of machine that everyone must work themselves into the ground to keep it moving. I can’t do that, I tried but I had too much love and life inside of me. Sorry.
9 comments
This is exactly *why* I love this website..!
the level genuine-ness, sincerity, and depth-ness of so many people here is what I can’t able to find anywhere else!
You are so right when you said this line sentence that I resonate too very deeply: “I would contribute endlessly to a society that is true and has our best interests at heart. I have all the love and action in the world for a society like that.”
And I somehow can totally understand, and ‘feel’ your pain & anguish,..when you’re saying that this world not seems to belong to “some kind of machine that everyone must work themselves into the ground to keep it moving”.
damn you guys…you make me love so much of you all,
that I’m starting to wonder if I keep *living* and doing SOMETHING to break the *machine system* , will I be put to death too? …but I guess it would be very WORTH it?
Or if all else fails,..then perhaps I’ll join with you guys, but before that, I will write one deep-lasting suicide note, and using Internet, maybe creating a website, blog or something, so my thoughts will be forever floating online.
I suggest you do the same thing too, for those who want to commit suicide.. let this *machinery* world knows what’s fuckin WRONG with it!
let your surroundings know of WHY you choose to opt-out of this crazy society. blow a HUGE impact! shake ’em up! shake their foundations ’till your message disturb their daily livings so they won’t be able to ignore the TRUTH easily!
I love you, lilah.
this is a beautiful post that resonates so much with me.
PS: if I may know something, how old are you now? and what have you been *pressured* into working as?
(as for me, I’m currently 28 yrs old, and yes, though I work in a day job, I’m so sick & tired of it. currently trying or planning to get out from the *system*, but if I still can’t…then who knows, I might join many people here!)
Hiya Niki And Lilah, I too love you both (how sad does that sound hey I don’t even know y’all, but I see a bit of your beauty and soul, in a world that is afraid to show it, or has lost it).
why don’t we set up a new website that is also for suicidal people but could ‘maybe’ also be an alternative? Maybe call the site ‘the alternative’ or something. Like a protest site against society?
People who are not really suicidal but want to ‘give up’ could join it and maybe others support would help us fund something. Maybe if enough of us ‘give up’ on life and are seen to be begging the world to pay attention that if we are not heard we will die due to them not actually helping and supporting us. We could also keep blogging about the obstacles we are facing due to giving up on society (such as the bills coming in, the forced drugs or hospitilization) so that we can record how awful life is treating those that just don’t want to feed this ‘machine’ any longer. You never know what would happen, some billionnaire might chance upon it, someone who actually has a soul and is wanting to contribute to a real worthy cause.
Niki, you could put the blogs of your friend Splinter on it as a way to show a solid reason for why we don’t want to contribute to a society that isn’t actually supporting ‘good people’ anyway, so that viewers know we are not just being lazy or trampy, we are trying to make a difference, an alternative world to the corrupt material one we are forced to contribute to?
The ‘opt out of life as an alternative to suicide’ cause for mankind! 🙂
Thank you niki.
In answer to your questions; I am 34. I do 3 jobs as I have never been able to be restricted by just one. I am a arts teacher for kids with learning difficulties. I am also a photographer (that’s where I earn my main income) and I am also a make up artist. But aside from this I have recently got a degree in physics which is something that I have been slowly doing just out of interest for best part of my life.
I enjoy my work, so you can see that I am not sad or fed up with my work, I just want to be able to give up, I’ve had enough of doing anything really in this society. I want to create a new society with my own sort of people in it, without having to be forced to hear ugly and insulting thoughts of others all day long. I have got to the point that I feel sick to leave the house for fear of hearing all the crap that everyone is saying out there – sure I could let it ‘wash over me’ but this is my own people, they are human like me, but they are deluded and ugly! How did this happen before my very eyes? I noticed it years ago but I tried to ignore it and put it down to ‘that’s just life’ well enough is enough. It’s not even about me anymore, it’s about my fellow man, my own species. I want to do something to help save them (us) so that if one theory of life is true (re-incarnation) and do end up back here as someone else one day, then please make it a bit nicer and a bit more tolerable.
lilah i recently made a post but could not explain the way i’am feeling better then you. its as though you took the words from my head (i know you didnt those are your feelings) i love nature and just enjoying myself and company of other nice and genuine people and had my peace of my mind before i started thinking about todays society and how you explained very well with the machine analogy that if your not helping it move they toss you off and i was in the same position as you about to kill yourself but so sad because you want to live but not in the way things are in todays world. Yet if you stopped thinking about how messed up todays soceity is you would become one of those robots who just does what he his told without question and helps the machine move along. I’am in same place pretty much just younger (16). Would love to talk to you emails jimbodk123@aim.com
Hi Jimbodk, I’m glad you connect with my message (seems we’re not all alone after all)
I’m going through a very weird and heightened time in my life and I’m on the verge of packing it all in which is something that is taking up my time, one way or another I don’t expect to be around much more than a day or so and I no longer check my emails and all that. Hope you understand? Maybe some other (more alive) like minded soul would be interested in communicating with you? I noticed a few like minded people on here x
Yeah lilah when i stumbled upon this sight thought i was alone but realized im alone with a lot of other souls like me who love life yet not what todays society considers life have an exit bag under my matress and everynight thinking about it yet ive read that when most people on this sight finally decide to commit suicide they have inner peace yet day by day my bodys will corrodes away slowly ill hopefully see you and other people like us in another life
O and lissy i would gladly join a site like that. If we do commit suicide most people look down besides the ones who genuinely cared about you and think you had something wrong with you
sorry to leave so many comments yet while i know the intention is to tell modern day society what is wrong with it the machine will brush you aside the suicide note and only genuine good people will care if it was on evening new most people wont care and will just want to see the weather we should all unite under one banner and hopefully ill be alive long enough to see such a thing but if i dont i hope i do leave some kind of impact on todays society
Genuine people are just so hard to find. Even inside families it can be hard. So frustrating. We all love nature so much because its real. It’s the only thing left that is. And that’s so sad. I don’t know how old these posts are but if anyone wants to communicate for a while I’ll be glad to. It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who gets it.