why bother

I’m 37 and just finally got out of living in my car for 6 months, I’m still financially screwed up I’m working at a whopping $9.00 an hour doing the worst job, security yes it’s lower than janitor in the worst sex shop in the world, the only reason is my now 5 year old son why I haven’t taken my .380 and fired it in to my head, I’ve been separated from my ex wife for over a year, I once went to school 5 years ago for my l.v.n. And failed the test twice so far, and never had the money or still won’t at this point to take it, she still on occasions will say “all that schooling and it’s wasted” yeah she’s a *****, I have no family to speak of they all believed my parents and won’t talk or acknowledge my existence, yeah if I take my self out the only one to show up would be my son the only one that actually loves me, I have nothing to offer a woman, so I sit in my rented room trying to figure out why am I still alive, I’ve been through depression for most of my life, and I don’t see a reason to see a shrink that and I don’t have medical insurance they don’t offer any from my job, I don’t see any reason for wanting to go on, I need to find a brief case full of money so I can even up my bills so I can leave with no debt, and set my son up so he can go to school with a trust, I’m just out of gas and so tired of fighting the world to just keep losing this battle with the world, so no I have nothing to offer any female that comes my way so why bother going out