Its funny, I dont think im suicidal at the moment. Im currently chain smoking and drinking to get my self to go to bed and stop thinking.
The problem is i have no one to talk to. not anyone whio would understand. im 20 years old and living in my parents basement. i dropped out of high school in my senior year (because of panic attacks from being harrassed) and i have somewhat of a social phobia. ive had friends..they’re all on drugs now so I dont communicate with them. my parents are fine but I dont like to talk with them about serious issues..i told them about my bulimia last year and they didnt really get it.
i guess my point is that I feel very alone because my sister who was one of my best friends moved out of our home (done quite dramatically) about three weeks ago. she is currently living with her girlfriend who is my other best friend. i have no one to discuss my feelings with right now that i think would understand the emotions i feel. i feel very disconnected from the world..a semi permanent sadness, i suppose. i dont like being by myself. especially at night. i get really paranoid and my self diagnosed ocd kicks in where i check locks constantly. the only friend i had left moved to florida a few days ago. i cant stop crying and being upset. back to the point, i just need to know that someone out there understands and can tell me that im gonna be ok eventually. thats all. and sorry this is so long.