Re: your last post and my thoughtless comment on another one last night, for which I am so sorry for. You really put me in my place. I honestly didn’t mean to piss you off. All that concerned me was from reading your comments you seem angry, and I knew that that anger was about a situation which really frustrates me as I believe situaitons can be overcome.Â
Now I see that you have no-one supporting you through this really difficult time. I’m so sorry about that.Â
It’s my belief (and I know many will disagree) that mostÂ people disappear or become distant when the shit really hits the fan. People are useless because we are naturally selfish whether we admit it or not. It’s also what makes me think ‘what’s the point?’ over and over.Â
You clearly have two options; Â you either kill yourself or you suffer what’s ahead. I know that’s obvious and you’re probably screaming at the screen right now. But if you really love life despite you knowing how shit most of it is, then you will still maintain that love even if you suffer poorness for a while. You sound like a bright and intelligent person so I feel sure that eventually you would get that job. But before that happens you mayÂ be stripped of your home, and you mayÂ go into debt. Is this worse than death? Â Maybe, maybe not. Only youÂ know if your love for life can see you through this period, no-one else.
If you chose suicide, I get the impression that you are very scared of suicide (due to the fact that still love some aspects of life) and you’re having daily panic attacks. I just really believe that when a person is really ready to go, they feel very little fear. Of course they will have some, but the want and need for the ‘end’ is much stronger than the fear. I don’t get that impression with you. I don’t think anyone is belittling your suicidal reasons against those who have ‘no love of life’ – it’s just that those who have lost all love of life, really have nothing whatsoever left here. I don’t believe that old age or terminal illness or an accident is the only thing that we should die of. I don’t rate death as much as a lot of people on here do. I think that once a person ‘sees through’ the material world, once they really see how absurd it all is (and it is!) then that is truly when their lives are over, their ‘job’ is done. But of course, all of us that are still alive, happy or otherwise, or afraid of suicide so much that it hinders them; then we are still in love (even if it’s just a little bit) with this material world.Â
The fact that you say you try so hard to sort out this situation, proves that you have not completed your journey here and I would urge you to try and live through this situation until it conquers that last bit of love you have left – or, that last bit of love you have left will conquer IT.
If you do end up committing suicide, you have proved a very willing participant to your life here and maybe, just maybe, death is calling you away. Maybe it is only death that canÂ help you and your friends and family aren’t even meant to. Maybe this IS your end.
Warm regards, Zac