Re: your last post and my thoughtless comment on another one last night, for which I am so sorry for. You really put me in my place. I honestly didn’t mean to piss you off. All that concerned me was from reading your comments you seem angry, and I knew that that anger was about a situation which really frustrates me as I believe situaitons can be overcome.Â
Now I see that you have no-one supporting you through this really difficult time. I’m so sorry about that.Â
It’s my belief (and I know many will disagree) that most people disappear or become distant when the shit really hits the fan. People are useless because we are naturally selfish whether we admit it or not. It’s also what makes me think ‘what’s the point?’ over and over.Â
You clearly have two options;  you either kill yourself or you suffer what’s ahead. I know that’s obvious and you’re probably screaming at the screen right now. But if you really love life despite you knowing how shit most of it is, then you will still maintain that love even if you suffer poorness for a while. You sound like a bright and intelligent person so I feel sure that eventually you would get that job. But before that happens you may be stripped of your home, and you may go into debt. Is this worse than death?  Maybe, maybe not. Only you know if your love for life can see you through this period, no-one else.
If you chose suicide, I get the impression that you are very scared of suicide (due to the fact that still love some aspects of life) and you’re having daily panic attacks. I just really believe that when a person is really ready to go, they feel very little fear. Of course they will have some, but the want and need for the ‘end’ is much stronger than the fear. I don’t get that impression with you. I don’t think anyone is belittling your suicidal reasons against those who have ‘no love of life’ – it’s just that those who have lost all love of life, really have nothing whatsoever left here. I don’t believe that old age or terminal illness or an accident is the only thing that we should die of. I don’t rate death as much as a lot of people on here do. I think that once a person ‘sees through’ the material world, once they really see how absurd it all is (and it is!) then that is truly when their lives are over, their ‘job’ is done. But of course, all of us that are still alive, happy or otherwise, or afraid of suicide so much that it hinders them; then we are still in love (even if it’s just a little bit) with this material world.Â
The fact that you say you try so hard to sort out this situation, proves that you have not completed your journey here and I would urge you to try and live through this situation until it conquers that last bit of love you have left – or, that last bit of love you have left will conquer IT.
If you do end up committing suicide, you have proved a very willing participant to your life here and maybe, just maybe, death is calling you away. Maybe it is only death that can help you and your friends and family aren’t even meant to. Maybe this IS your end.
Warm regards, Zac
7 comments
Zac: I don’t want to die yet so yes, that’s why I have panic attacks. I’m trying to fix it and also waiting to see if help from the government is going to come my way, a lot of waiting and sitting alone. I have no idea if I’m going to die or not. Because I don’t know what is going to happen so in turn I don’t know how I’m going to react. I just know I have no one and that suicide is the most likely reaction.
My rant wasn’t solely directed at you. Your comment just made me snap. I’m on edge. I’m afraid. Tired, alone, pissed, sad. I want to kill myself everyday but keep waiting just to see if it will get better even though I know it won’t because I’ve been here already before. I need answers but there are none.
I’m not angry at you. Thanks for being kind.
If you get that job, wont you have to attend bullshit barbeques or risk getting fired? If you lost your last job, simply cause you didn’t attend a barbeque then why go through the same bullshit again? Sounds like this life is compromising you so much that you’re backed into a corner.
……yes, the cycle just starts all over again. More fuckery.
Isn’t it shit that you live in your fuckery world and I live in mine, at least we could laugh at it and be stronger together if we WERE together, but life is so shit that we must all be so alone unless we follow the rules!
Life is shit! I’m getting real fucking depressed today. My ‘hope’ has took a fucking vacation without me.
Anon13: I hate that you’re afraid, I wish I could do something, you could come crash on my sofa for however long you want if it’s any help, but I have no money to offer, I could feed you though!
This society is so massively fucked up that it disregards good people and leaves them to fucking die, if they don’t follow such strict rules, and you’re even TRYING as hard as you can. Fuck that! When will you hear if the government will help you? And how long have you got before D-Day?
Let’s be clear here. The government doesn’t care about the people it’s supposed to be representing. The world is controlled by banks and corporations. This is obvious just by looking around us. I mean, the people responsible for the depression not only didn’t get punished, they got a load of our money for causing it.
We are taught as kids not to steal, cheat or lie. To be successful in life, you have to do all these things and be good at it too.
eatme – Thanks for the sofa & food offer. 🙂
Right now I am waiting for a hearing that takes place to determine if I “qualify” for unemployment benefits. As of today, I still have not even been notified of the date and time for this hearing. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
As for D-day, it is hard to say. I”m doing everything I can not to spend any money at all. My net worth is about $200. I’ve stretched my dollars mighty far in the past; but basically I’d say the day of reckoning is the day October’s rent is due.