Blankness

Hey, Something:

Lack of emotions? Unable to maintain relationships because no one wants to know the real you? Not unusual at all. My message may not make you feel better, but perhaps look at another perspective (you’re NOT wierd; read on):

We’re a big, big club here with this recurring problem. I’ve never been able to maintain a personal relationship with anyone in my entire 50+ years because brain-chemically, I’m a mutant (translation; inherited the bad wiring from both sides of the parents). Stories of their families make me wish they’d all been killed in WWII before they had a chance to reproduce, but I digress.

I’ve hooked up with many people, friends, lovers and husbands, and have never been able to maintain a single one of these relationships. Most weren’t bad people ! The problem is ME! And I can’t fix it either. The blank emptiness where there should be connection, with each and every person, is all too familiar.

In the old days, our kind were known as “loners”. So we were left alone. I have learned not to try to be like other people. If I had accepted that 35 years ago, I would have saved a lot of time, misery (and the money! makes me sick to think about it). At the same time, there’s no point for me to be here either except to keep my promise to my little guy to care for him. Three guesses what his name is (what’s my login?). Not much help to you, but some compassion, anyway.