I guess I need to rant just as much as anyone else here.
For the last who knows how many years I’ve been depressed. For the last 3 or so, it’s just got worse and worse.
I have a shit job, am alone and ugly. I haven’t dated a girl in 5 years and haven’t had anything close in almost as long. I hate myself too much to approach women and feel like I’d just be wasting their time, and mine.
I don’t hate the world or think it’s unfair- I just fucked up my life and I’d prefer to quit while I’m ahead.
I know that my family will be sad, and I feel bad about that. I love my family alot, and if they weren’t here I’d have done away with myself along time ago. The only reason I postponed it was to pay off my debts so they wouldn’t have to deal with all my shit. As far as my friends- where are they now? I have a few good ones, but everyone has moved on. They are university educated adults. They can move on. Fuck me.
I just hope I have the guts to pull it off next September. By then, hopefully I’ll have accomplished most of what I want to remaining in my life, since I’m too stupid to go to university.
A week with my grandpa, a week with my parents, and if I’m auctually able to save up a bit of money, which I haven’t in the last 10 years, maybe even a trip to europe before I go.
Then it’s off to a peaceful sleep, and everyone can go on with their day.
I don’t need to hear from anyone that they care about me. Unless you come over here and befriend be and give a shit, your just doing your good deed for the day and greedier than I am. You don’t want to be my friendÂ any moreÂ than anyone around me right now.
I don’t need to hear about God or how good my future will be, its nonsense.
The only religion I’ve ever loved, Judaism, would never accept or allow me.
I doubt that God would really care or at least not understand if God does exisit.