I was recently diagnosed with AIDS (full blown AIDS not HIV). Through my experience I have decided that it would be best for me to die now rather than prolong my life while living in misery. It is my opinion that people diagnosed with AIDS should be given the choice to die peacefully instead of being forced to either take toxic meds to stay barely alive or die a painfull death. My doctor told me that that is my choice. Either take the meds and hope I get better or refuse and get sick, get treated and released, get sick, get treated and released…until I get too sick to get better. Then die. Why can’t I just skip it all and leave now?
I should be dead already. This is a real reason to die. People like me should be given the choice. I can no longer work a job that pays enough to live. Soon I will be homeless and alone. I will never know love again and will never be able to accomplish the things I would like. What is the point of continuing?
Even the doctors and counselors say that you do have a choice and that if you really want to die you can do it yourself. They encourage suicide as long as they don’t have to be involved. The problem with that is the only methods I have access to are not sure and many are violent. I do not want to hurt anyone else and I do not want it to fail.
I was considering the helium exit bag but I have read of too many failures and it seems that it doesn’t really work. I know there has to be a peacefull, dignified, sure fire way to die. I will find it.
5 comments
Hi,
I was just checking my own post when I saw yours. Sometimes I do wonder if there is anyone out there suffering phsical as well as emotional pain alone and I often think of people with AIDS. I don’t have AIDS but chronic illnesses that give me constant pain, depression and have robbed me of my personality and life.I can’t take medications. I too have been frantically looking at means of exiting but don’t want to cause myself any more pain. Do the doctors relly encourage suicide. Anytime I mention euthanasia the psychiatrists are called. Frightens the life out of them. Anyway you sound so brave I just had to say hi. Can you tolerate drgs at all or is that it seems pointless ? Have they given you your chances of fighting it if you do take the meds? Tish
Brave is the last word that should be used to discribe me. Dying seems to take more courage than I have. The doctors indirectly encourage suicide. The attitude taken, even by the medical field, about AIDS is much different than with other illnesses. Not many people are diagnosed with AIDS anymore, it’s mainly HIV. It is known that a person diagnosed with AIDS is very likely to commit suicide within the first year of diagnosis. People are left to it because there seems to be a belief that nothing can be done anyway. Plus the people diagnosed with AIDS are usually the dregs of society. People who can’t afford treatment. When I was diagnosed I was told that I would have to be my own doctor, psychologist, social worker and anything else because there is no help for people with AIDS. I was told to go do what I wanted as long as I go away.
I take the drugs. They make me just healthy enough to move around and be about half as productive as a healthy person but I still can’t hold a normal job. I have experimented with the drugs on my own. If I don’t take them I get ill very quickly so I take them to avoid the physical pain. I wanted to refuse the pills but I do not want to die that way. It’s a slow painful death.
I think the people like doctors are all self righteous to deny a person a painless and dignified death. I want this to end but I’m too scared to do it alone.
Hi.. my names M… i set up an email. i contacted one of you before. ive had depression seven years. this email is a place were people can tlk comunicate. make requests (no matter how strange) and just look for some reasurance. however i wont sugar coat the shiit if you know what i mean. youll get the same person everytime you email and all answered either strait away or before 19 hours… really hope both of you do get in touch. sometimes strangers make the biggest difference in your life. i learnt tht the hard way. x hope you get in touch the email is babycake@gmx.co.uk what have you got to loose by giving it a chance. my email site has never given up on anyone or left them behind and i dont intend to start now xx
Hi again,
I’d love to stay in touch with you from time to time but I’m not sure how to do that. Can I leave my email address here ? I’m not sure I want it public. Maybe cause you’re suffering too I feel I can relate. It’s a while since I have felt anything for anyone but myself but that’s what pain does to me. I thought suffering was supposed to make me a stronger person.
I watched too much TV as a kid and thought death just involved a long sigh and a falling back against the pillow with your devoted lover mopping your brow. Real life is shit. Anyway I still think you’re brave.
Tish
Hi again,
you probably don’t come back to this post but I was thinking of your situation. I was really shocked that you were told you need to be your own doctor,counsellor etcc…. I would have thought there’d be better support services for people with AIDS. I have struggled to get appropriate help for my brain and pain problems made difficult by doctors passing me around because they don’t have a clue what to do.And then I get accused of not accepting help. My boyfriend thinks I haven,t frgiven myself for mistakes I made. Do you know anyone else with AIDS. I know of noone who has exactly my difficulties but that’s life I suppose. I too din’t feel I have the courage to face my death. On the one hand I’m fighting it and on the other I’m logically telling myself it’s the only way.