Im new to this site, found out about it yesterday, read some of the stories so now I joined. When I was 12 or 13 I started to become really depressed, It changed my life alot, I stopped wanting to go out to places I used to have fun at, I didnt want to eat as much, I just wanted to stay in my room in the dark and lay there thinking about how much of a horrible excuse of a human I was. My family, my friends all expected me to grow up become this smart, respectable man and get a good job to support my family. I had heard people tell me these things for so long that I had to be the best or it wasn’t enough. And I found that when I didnt get high enough marks for tests or anything I would hear about it. Then I was never getting good enough marks so I always heard that I wasn’t good enough, so I heard it for so long that I believed it. I turned 15 early this year and that was when the suicidal thoughts came. Since I thought for so long that I wasn’t good enough I started to wonder if people wanted me to be around. My image of myself became so bad that I don’t even look in the mirror anymore because of what I see staring back at me. At school I act tough but that is just to shadow that really I am a scared little boy on the inside. I said to myself that if I get my school certificate that I would stop thinking these thoughts and if I didn’t I would end my life but I wonder if I do actually want to go on whether I get it or not.
3 comments
A lot changes for people in their late teens and early 20s. If you have anything that you really want to experience in life you may want to give it some time and try for that first and see if things turn around.
If things don’t turn around for you after trying for the things you really want then you can always off yourself later. That’s the great thing about suicide; it’s always on the table and gives you a safety net if things only get worse. My advice though as someone twice your age is that everything changes so quickly during those years that you really don’t know if your life will be worthwhile or not yet.
I agree, as some one about twice your age, life for me is over (as all manner of medical problems plague me) but you are still healthy and things can take a turn for the better and suicide will seem like a really bad idea…….but like thequitter says………it’s always on the table as a saftey net. SWEET!
I’d say screw being the Best and Top of the world.
It’s exactly this unrealistic mentality & society’s expectations that nowadays there are so many sickness in this world and people being suicidal.
It’s really funny sometimes how ‘society’ and many people said “quit dreaming, be realistic”, and then they’ll suddenly start being stupid & contradictory by EXPECTING their child, sons, daughters, whatever to be the TOP of the world, class, or whatever. now talk about being “unrealistic”, who is THE unrealistic ones here??..geez.
I like what my priest once said to me: “if everybody wants to become number one, then who will SIT in rank number two, three, four, and so on??”
Many people want to be number one, sure, but ask yourself how *realistic* is that, when the REALITY is never *everybody* can be number one.
Bottom line?
Just do the BEST whatever you’re doing, and NOT compare with each other.
“If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a shrub in the valley—but be
The best little shrub at the side of the hill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.
We can’t all be captains,
We’ve got to be crew.
There’s something for all of us here;
There is big work to do, and there’s lesser to do
And the task we must do is the near.
If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun, be a star;
It isn’t the size that you win or you fail—
Be the best of whatever you are.”
~Martin Luther King
and screw/fuck everyone else who kept saying you should be the BEST and TOP of the world. They’re the fucking unrealistic ones.
Been there, done that. Trust me, my friend. You’re not alone in all this.