As far as I know I’ve had a decent life, up until my girlfriend was killed in a car accident shortly after I had turned 18, I have always blamed myself for her death (I was driving), I was near suicidal for the first 3-4 months and still upset for the next year
Now at 20 i’ve been diagnosed with severe heart problems, problems that have made me incapable of doing what I love (personal training) and will kill me at a young age
My parents split up because my father cheated on my mother, and because I took her side he has refused me the job I left college for, 3 years wasted
My sister has attempted suicide recently and now has had her child taken from her, and my mother doesn’t wish my to leave home because she’ll be completely alone now
Nonetheless those are problems I could live with and through…
I’m posting here not for sympathy but for help.. I wake up every morning wanting to kill myself and have already attempted a few days ago, I’m now forced into therapy, my friendships are failing all around me and I dare not tell any but one or two, out of embarrassment
I have nobody left, and while a large part of me has given up, there is still a part of me that wants to heal and realises that this is just wrong, any help.. if any.. thankyou.