Hey everyone, so i’m 16 and i’ve been struggling with depression since i was in 5th grade.. that makes me what 10? So, 6 years of pain i have bottled up inside myself and 6 yearsÂ i’ve been trying to kill myself.Â Well let me tell you my story.
Ever since i was young my parents haven’t been part of my life.. they don’t care and don’t put themselves in parenting position so they don’t know anythinggg about me, she hits & punches me all the time forÂ no reason i’ve just gottenÂ use to that thoughÂ and anything i tell her i want my career to be she will say no. I want to be a chef.. no, do you know how many they have they don’t need you.. thanks mom. And to everything else i’ve told her i want to do. So, i’m just going into the military when i’m older.. no i’m not signing the papers. What does she want me to do with my life? There’s seriously no point to my life.. My mom told me almost everyday for those 6 years that she hated me and couldn’t wait till i moved out, my dad isn’t really a dad.. he just does his thing and does not know one thing that’s going on with my life.
One day i FLIPPPED on my mom & confronted her about everything because she just randomly told me leave the room.. i don’t want to deal with you. I didn’t say one word to her to make her kick me out of the room, so i took all of my anger from all those years out on her& iÂ told her she hated meÂ .. sheÂ had nothing to say..Â not one word.Â Wanna know what she did?Â She sent me to my room & grounded me.. what a fucked up mother. I would have talked it out, not leave the tension. But, she obv doesn’t care, so why should I. Honestly, i hate her, more then anyone.. & Another time, my mom found myÂ suicide letterÂ when i was 10 and i didn’t know what to do.. she was crying, 1st time i ever sawÂ she actually cared a little about me.
Anyways, now after all these years,Â I have really bad scars on my arms & legs from trying & trying.. she asks what they’re from..Â “i fell” how couldn’t your own mom notÂ know you didn’t fallÂ like that? Expecially the scars i have.. it’s kind of hard to not know they’re from trying to kill myself..Â The only way i feel somewhat loved is when i have a guy there for me. But, for the past 2 years all of them have cheated on me, to make me feel like even more shit then i am.. i really don’t know what to do or who to go to.. my parents would beat me if i asked for a therapist.. and i have no family that cares.. and my friends don’t know my life so it’d be weird, because to them i’m this happy hyper crazy girl.. but it’s just my mask..Â and they will never know about me, i could never tell them.. i don’t want all of themÂ feelingÂ sorry for me or giving me lectures on to not cut & try to kill myself..Â so i have no one to go to… /: therefore, i’m better off dead.