I’ve been hurt too much in my past. Especially by people I’ve loved, and people I’ve cared about.
I’ve been abused in all sorts of ways both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I was abandoned by my parents, for not being smart enough, for not being popular enough, for not being like them; just because I’m the black sheep of the family. My so called best friends aren’t even always there for me, especially when they know that I depend on them like family. Especially R, she never seems to care when it’s important. And B doesn’t even care about me enough to want me in her life anymore. But then again, I guess I fucked up that relationship myself.
But what really hurts me, is when you say that you want to be my everything, and you tell me to depend on you. But because I’ve been hurt so much, I don’t trust you. When I do trust you and let you take care of me, you let me down, without fail, every time. Every single fucking time.
I don’t know why I bother.
I don’t know who cares.
I can’t tell who cares, fuck, I can’t even tell who would ever care as much as you used to.
I’m tired of popping pills. It just hurts. I’m ready for this emptiness to just completely disappear. It literally eats away at me almost to the point where I throw up. I just need to be released from this awful cycle.
2 comments
I care. I too am the black sheep of the family. Stop popping pills, they don’t work anyways. Putting a chemical lump of crap in your body is not good for the soul. You are hurting so much because you are too attached to your friends and the world. This is not a place nor are these people you want to be attached to here. Only when you detach from the physical ‘grid’ will you feel a sense of relief.
I am in the same situation. Always being the one that everyone takes for granted, never being noticed, always a wallflower. People are stupid, they only think about themselves and saying whatever you want to hear just to get what they want. It’s despicable. Please know that there are many others who know what it’s like to be played/used/disappointed. We can’t change the person, but we can distance ourselves from those assholes.