I don’t know how to cope.

  September 13th, 2010 by sakura_haruko

I’ve been hurt too much in my past. Especially by people I’ve loved, and people I’ve cared about.

I’ve been abused in all sorts of ways both physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I was abandoned by my parents, for not being smart enough, for not being popular enough, for not being like them; just because I’m the black sheep of the family. My so called best friends aren’t even always there for me, especially when they know that I depend on them like family. Especially R, she never seems to care when it’s important. And B doesn’t even care about me enough to want me in her life anymore. But then again, I guess I fucked up that relationship myself.

But what really hurts me, is when you say that you want to be my everything, and you tell me to depend on you. But because I’ve been hurt so much, I don’t trust you. When I do trust you and let you take care of me, you let me down, without fail, every time. Every single fucking time.

I don’t know why I bother.

I don’t know who cares.

I can’t tell who cares, fuck, I can’t even tell who would ever care as much as you used to.

I’m tired of popping pills. It just hurts. I’m ready for this emptiness to just completely disappear. It literally eats away at me almost to the point where I throw up. I just need to be released from this awful cycle.

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