I just finished writing a letter to my friends, family and my fiance. I cant believe my life has come to this. I read over the note and put it in away for now. Im not sure whether I want to go through with it or not. I dont even have a concrete plan yet. I would want it to be something painless, something quick.
I honestly think I would have already done it by now if I wasnt such a wimp. Then there are all the religious repercussions for this decision. I dont want to go to hell but I dont want to live like this either? Is it ok to ask god to end the pain by ending your life? Sometimes tells me its not. I need to find something to live for, something to tell me its gonna be ok.
On a side note, it is a beautiful day outside, even in the midst of this horrible life I can see the beauty of nature. Might that mean there is hope for me yet? Im not sure what it means or even if I want there to be hope for me. I just want the pain to end, please make the pain end.
6 comments
I can tell you that you don’t need to worry about hell or whatever. I am an atheist and have done much research and thinking, into many fields of sciences and history. Religion has been a part of human society for centuries, the concept of god for millienia. WHich is why it is refusing to leave our now modern, educated, and enlightened society. However, it is doing you no good to believe right now. Why would a all knowing, all good, all powerful god allow for you to suffer so much that you can’t help but want to kill yourself yet punish you for giving up? Does this make any sense? If you had a child would you send it to hell to suffer for all eternity simply for not being able to take physical or emotional pain anymore?
He doesn’t exist and religion is a farce. You might think this is bad, but I’ve been happier ever since i left my cult.
That beauty you see, that is reality and NATURE trying to tell you that you don’t have to feel guilt about being you anymore, that there is no ‘God’ that looks down on you all day and judges everything you do.
I don’t know your situation and if you have seen a therapist or doctor, if not at least give that a try before you give up. I’m here because I’ve been miserable since birth, and i see no hope. However even I am still here so there must be some hope i have left.
The pain can end, you have to just try all of your options first.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Perhaps if you went into further detail, it would be easier to understand your dilemma. You say that you have a family, friends, and a wife to be. In those details, I envy you. However, I cannot understand how your life is horrible from so little information.
I would agree with you that there is great beauty in nature, and if you can see that, then there is hope for you.
~Mad Vulcan
Lostandalone837, Yeah, it kinda seems hard to decide what you should do when you feel like leaving but you perceive a lot of things such as nature as the will of god to deter you from killing yourself, so what are you to do?
Exjwpsy made a good point. I’m an atheist myself and I don’t buy into any nonsense about any deities. Religion is a means of coping with the world. It makes it tolerable to get up everyday and continue on with life when you believe that an eternal paradise awaits you when you die if you just stick it out in this life. The “faith” in god is the only thing that’s real. I’m not saying that absolutely no god exists, because it sure is possible, but until it’s proven, I lean towards “no.” Well, your faith in god may be helpful; you decide if you’d like to keep it.
Think about this, though: I imagine you love or respect god, right? Do you really want to worship a guy who’ll send you to hell for ending your current one? How moral is that? Why would he expect you to continue on like this? I’m not trying to encourage you to kill yourself, but think about your religion and decide if it’s something you want to be a part of.
I understand exactly how you feel. It’s hard for people who don’t have faith in God to understand what it’s like for those of us who do, no offense the rest of you. I’m dealing with exactly the same problem right now.
I’m hoping I get the balls to just take my sleeping pills already, but I don’t want people to be ashamed that I killed myself, though it wouldn’t matter if I became dead enough on the inside to just end it, but joining the army is a good idea. You focus on something and maybe your life could get better, or you could accidentally die, and there is no shame in dying as a soldier.