Well for starters Im new. I was looking up ways to help suicidal behavior and I found this site and thought I would post my story so here goes. One, I am extremely bipolar and I easily get mad and cry. Sometimes I go insane and cut my arms wildly until they are covered in blood.Â When I was 3 my dad left me and my mom, and he told my mom he didnt want me anymore. My mom didnt do a great job raising me either. She ignored me most of the time and yelled at me whenever we did see each other. I had no friends from elementary school through junior high. I kept to myself while people made fun of me behind my back. I would hear fromÂ random people that someone had called me the “N” word. I have been to the hospital several times from cutting and trying to kill myself. Drugged up almost everyday. In highschool I cut my hair so I looked like a boy. When people found out I was a girl, they would call me things like a dyke or a transvestite, and they would still continuously call me the “N” word. Im black, white, and filipino. But all people see is the black part of me. Not the other two. I was recently hospitalized for trying to jump off of aÂ 5 Â level high parking structure. The only friend I had tried to stop me. Then I got in trouble. When I was ten my mom got remarried and I was raped by my newly found stepfather. He beat me on a regular basis and wouldnt let me leave the house unless I cleaned everything in the house. He even punched me in the face and made my mouth bleed. I told my mom and had proof, but she said that she thinks we were just playing around, and it was an accident. He also would hold me down while trying to put his “Thing” in my mouth, and since he was too strong I couldnt do anything about it but cry until my eyes burned. Then I would go somewhere and cut myself. My mom was still completely oblivious. I couldnt tell her because if he left we wouldnt have enough money to live in our condo or pay rent and get food, so I kept quiet. To this day, I am not in school anymore, and I do a program where I do homework at home and turn it in every week. I am now currently living with my grandma, but my friends brother promised that when I turn 18, I can come live with him. The only bright side to my future.