I’ve been out of the hospital for 8 weeks, doctors and family say I’m doing good. I’m not. I just stopped telling everyone the truth because it was pointless.
I tried to hang myself and I would have been successful (I was unconscious) but my sister randomly came over. My whole family were devastated and being found has been the worst possible thing that could have happened to me. it’s all about the other people and less about you, no-one reallyÂ wants to know what’s up because if you tell them the truth they just tell you you’re wrong. Like, my truth is that living is okay, I can do that, I’m happy to do that, I just don’t want to have to ‘fit in’, I don’t want to have to do all the things that are expected of me. Sorry, I know that’s selfish and boring, but I’m happier if I’m just on my own in my own little world. My ‘illness’ only flares up when I’m forced to do stuff. Â Being found and being in hospital has proven to me that no-oneÂ feels like I do, and that no-oneÂ can ‘help’ me.Â
At the moment, I have no good length of time alone to kill myself, I need a couple of days without someone coming over to check on me. But I am planning it and this time I will be successful. I don’t care about the upset that it will cause anyone because now I know that they just want me to stay alive even though I hate it, just to please them. Â I want society to know that it is IT that is killing me, not me, I would be fine if I could just be left alone to live my life.